Do you Spanx?

I'm sitting here in my chair with my trusty lap top watching "The Talk".  Jennifer Love Hewitt is on and the girls are talking about Spanx. It reminded me of my experience with Spanx.  Granted, this torturious apparatus does make you look good, but comfortable it is NOT.  I'm not proud of this, but since I am talking about Spanx, I have to tell my story.  I went to the department store and bought some Spanx.  I bought the size recommended on the package for height and weight.  I was going to a fancy wedding and wanted to look, well, like I used to.  The day of the party gets here and I performed all the usual preparations us women have to do to make ourselves presentable.  Meanwhile, Rich is just relaxing.  He waits til the last 15 minutes, jumps in the shower, gives me a woo hoo, shaves, puts his clothes on and out the door he goes.  Hair is done, make-up is applied and now it is time to Spanx myself.  I open the box and take out something that looks like Karaline could wear it.  I swear it is so tiny, my arm would probably have a tight squeexe.  I commit to it, because I have spent the $40 on it and dang it, I want to look good.  I begin the struggle and I do mean struggle.  I twisted and pulled and twisted and pulled, well to make a long story short....I threw my back out.  I felt something twang in my back and that was it.  I could barely move.  Being that I am a vein woman though, I thought it was nothing and still preceded to pull it on.  My back did not completely tighten up until we got to the wedding.  I was moving, but not gracefully.  I prayed I did NOT have to pee.  Rich might have to get involved for that.  I made it through the wedding, but the reception was pretty painful.  I eventually, of course, had to pee, so when I couldn't take it any longer, I told Rich we HAVE to go home....NOW!  He thought he was gonna get lucky when I asked him to help me off with the Spanx....not tonight dear....just get me a flexerall and a naoproxen and let me lay down in my bed.  I have not wore the Spanx since that fateful night.  I suffered with back spasms for about a week.  To answer the question:  NO, I DO NOT SPANX