Please shoot me if you see me at Meijers dressed like this...

Getting ready for a grocery run kinda looks like this....Feeding both boys breakfast and if I have leftover pancakes from the day before, it goes alot quicker...While they are eating, I have about 15 minutes of Facebook time, so I'm catching the news and catching up with FB world.  Now I get their clothes laid out and the fun begins...Nick wants to go the opposite way of me, so I have to go catch him.  He needs his diaper changed and not too lucky this morning....there is a load waiting for me.  But I always look on the bright side...could have happened at the store, better now than later.  Ok, now I need to get Sean dressed....no surprises with Sean....he's easy to dress.  Well, the boys are ready, so now I go work on me...No time for a shower, so how I am is just going to have to do.  I remember a time, not that long ago, that I would put blush and lip gloss on, just to go to the mail box.  A shopping trip involved freshly washed hair, makeup and a cute outfit with a cute pair of boots and coat...but now I look in the mirror, wash my face and I'm more concerned if I plucked good last night.  I do put some lotion on my face....a little blush and lip gloss and call it good to go.  I have my favorite micro fiber jammie pants on that I bought on Black Friday.  I really don't want to take them off, but I do and I grab my favorite jeans.  I also bought these awsome moccasin shoe/slipper  things that I am finding myself wearing all the time...I call them shoes because they have a rubber sole, but they have shearling inside and all around the outside, so who am I kidding, they are house slippers.  I have been wearing these out of the house shopping lately, telling myself that people wear Ugg boots, so why can't I wear these.  They are so comfortable, so comfort trumps style at 60.  Well, we made it to Meijers and with one boy on each hand, we go in...I put Nicky in the seat and Sean goes in the cart...I may not go to LA Fitness, but I am lifting weights daily.  Both boys are good, but Mimi doesn't leave the house without sippy cups full of apple juice and a bag of munchies.  Didn't need a whole lot today so we are making our way to checkout when I spot my future...there she was....she had on my micro fiber jammies and house slippers on.  I just gasped and a cold chill ran through me...that could have been me accept for the  jeans.  I almost went out of the house like that.  I swore to myself....I would never NOT care that much.  I didn't even see any kids with her, so she really had no excuse...I at least had a two year old and a three year old.  I also decided my shoe/slippers were really slippers and I won't wear them out and about anymore.  Maybe I will go out and look for a pair that is that comfortable that don't look like house slippers so much.
Who knows what her story really is, she might have been sick and just went out for medicine....so I guess I shouldn't judge, but seriously, if anyone sees me in micro fiber jammies and house slippers, please take me home...I'm confused and probably senile and need some help.

Leaving footprints...

It has been so long since last I blogged.  I have so many more thoughts going through me right now.   Losing Aleta so suddenly, has made us all face our mortality.  She was only 6 yrs. older than me.  Her sisters went through her pictures for her funeral and after the funeral, I got a little bag of pictures that were hers and a box of unused Greeting cards that she never got around to sending.   It made me think about what I wanted to leave.  Everyone knows there will be pictures....lots and lots of pictures...probably not that many of me, but lots of pictures of everyone else.  You leave this world with exactly what you come into this world with....nothing, but when you leave, you leave your shell and your soul will soar.  All our life we accumulate things.  I used to collect bears and little houses, but thank goodness I quit that.  The only thing I have been passionate about my whole life is my photography.  I have been doing it for 50 yrs. now. .I am getting so much enjoyment and satisfaction lately, with the revival of my photography business.  It just makes me so happy to capture those pictures for people, that mean so much to them.  Long after I am gone, my pictures will remain and bring joy to someone.  The one thing that you can leave behind that would bring comfort to your loved ones, is your words.  When my Mom died, she gave me two cards, one for Regan who was 10 and one for Seth who was 7.  They were to be given to them on their graduation day.  I waited 8 yrs. to give Regan her card and was so excited to see what Mom wrote, but Mom wasn't a writer like me, all she wrote was...I love you and I am so proud of you...Mom Mom.  Even those few words filled me with such joy.  This is why I started my blog, it was just a way for me to write down all my stories and thoughts and feelings.   Someday, I will have them made into a book and my grandchildren and great grandchildren will be able to know me once more.  Things are just that...things.  They mean something only to you for the moment that you buy them.  Most things just collect dust and become clutter.  I will not be buying anymore things from now on, only things for those that I love.  Oh I will still buy clothes occassionally, but even they don't bring me joy like they used to.  I am reading the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.  I wouldn't say I am the most religious person in the world, but I am trying.  I feel this need to understand God and find out some answers to my questions.  I read the first chapter last night and it starts out saying the average life is 25,550 days...I did the math on me...and I am at 21,900...I certainly hope I have more days than this, but a guarantee is not given to anyone, not even the young.
   A very close friend of mine wrote this poem when Aleta died...I want it read at my party when I die.

                     And if I go, while you are still here,
                 know that I live on vibrating to a different measure
                 behind a veil you cannot see through.
                     You will not see me, so must have faith.
                 I will wait for the time when we all can soar together again,
                 all of us aware of each other.  Until then,
                      live your life to its fullest and when you need me,
                 just whisper my name in your heart....I will be there.

Its funny how I remember so vividly how I felt when I was younger....because this being older just kinda crept up me when I wasn't looking.  I am still trying to accept it and get used to it, but its kinda like going incognito...older people become invisible sometimes.  I miss the head turns and my size 6 butt.  I miss dressing up for grand soirees and cruise ship formal nights.  I am just grateful that I had these times and I did appreciate them when they were happening.  God has a pretty good plan....life has an expiration date, but when you are young, you don't fully comprehend it.  Growing old is a gradual thing and if you are lucky, and you get to grow old, by the end, just like a much loved toy....it eventually wears out and you know its time to let go.  I'm not saying I'm ready to let go...I just hope I have been like a much loved toy....play with me and love me, but when its time...let me go...just whisper my name in your heart....and I will be there.  I will be leaving my footprints wherever I can...I guess my biggest fear is, that tomorrow will come and no one will remember that I am not here.

Just another day....NOT!!!!

Well, its been a little while since I blogged.  I have all three kids sleeping at the same time, so I thought I would write about the day I have had....

   Regan called me this morning and told me that Karaline was so sick.  She was crying out that her ear hurt so bad and she had a fever, so she couldn't send her to school.  I needed to call first thing to get her into the Dr.  I did and we got an appointment for 10:30.  I managed to get all three kids breakfast and dressed and I even jumped into the shower and got myself ready.  I loaded up a few things in my arsenal of things to get us through this Dr.'s appt.  We get there and the fun began...the Dr.'s office has one main waiting room for all the Dr.s so it is a big massive area.  Perfect for running...and running they did...If I wasn't yelling at one to stop it, I was yelling at the other...Nick bumped his head at one point and then proceeded to melt down.  I hit my arsenal bag...a cookie made the screaming stop.  Fortunately, there weren't many people in the waiting room...but the receptionists in the other offices, just kinda gave me sympathy looks.  Nick saw a vendor guy and went over to check things out....he had been looking at the boys running around...I went to get him and he says to me, "looks like you have your hands full"  I said, " you have no idea...pray for me".  We finally get called back into the Dr.  I herd everyone along and I tell the nurse..."just close the door, how bad can this be?"  she laughed...yeah...I'm serious..  Well, what seemed like forever, the Dr. finally came in...the boys were really winding down at this point.  She looked at Karaline and listened to her chest...she didn't like what she heard and ordered a breathing treatment...OK....now what...this was painless for Karaline, but it did take about 10 minutes to do....so as a last resort, I dug out my final thing left in my arsenal...dumdum suckers...sticky yes, messy yes, but it got us through that test.  The nurse came in to check on us...She said, "I wondered why it got so quiet...now I understand"  I told her, " I'm in desperation mode right now".  The fun isn't over yet, because now I have to go to Meijers and get the prescriptions filled, so off we go.  Karaline is pretty quiet, so she is no trouble...You can tell she doesn't feel good.  I load them into one of those carts with a seat...but of course...I pick the one with a bad wheel...so it pushes so hard.  I can only imagine how pathetic I looked.  We go directly to the pharmacy...fortunately the wait wasn't too long, so we got going as fast as we could..  I noticed as were walking to the door, it looked so dark outside.  Well, by the time I made it outside, the sky just opened up.  It could not be raining any harder...Crap....now what.  I just couldn't take the kids out in the downpour, but I needed to get them home.  A nice man saw my plight and said just leave the kids here and go get your car...I'll wait with them...what a blessing, so I ran as fast as I could, but still got totally drenched.  Just par for the course today.  We made it home...got them all fed lunch.  Gave Karaline her medicine and then she wanted to lay down to take a nap.  I put Nicky down for his nap and he went right to sleep.  Then we were down to Sean...I let him watch one Dora and then I put him to bed.  He went right to sleep.  Its 2:00 and all three kids are asleep and I am feeling pretty good about myself...Not all 60 yr. old Mimi's could have pulled that off.  Let's hear it for the old girl...she's still got it!!!!

60 is Sexy...

Today I begin to enjoy my last week of being in my 50's.  I am trying to decide what to do.  Should I wear a tube top one more time or maybe wear some hip-huggers?  I have thought about a tatoo or maybe re-pierce my ears again.  I used to love to dress up...maybe I'll wear one of my cocktail dresses and heels and go out to lunch.  I just realized, that I am becoming a senior once again...I remember being a senior in high school.  Doesn't seem like that long ago.  I went to a concert the other night.  They played all the current songs that you hear on the radio, but they also played music from when I was a teenager.  It was awsome to see the young people singing along.  It made me feel young again and I hope it makes the young people realize that us old farts, aren't so old after all.  I keep telling myself....age is just a number, attitude is what counts.  I don't feel like I am 60, but then what should 60 feel like?  I remember when I turned 50, I thought that was so old.  I can remember saying these words, "50 is nifty, but 60 will suck".  I've decided to say, "60 is sexy." Now that I have rediscovered my "inner goddess", maybe I can pull it off.  I honestly never thought I would get old...isn't that ridiculous?  I just always thought I would be the way I always was.  I have been one way for at least 30 yrs. now, so I guess I better get used to being the way I am now.  I am grateful that I am healthy and I am thankful that I am celebrating my 60th.  Growing old is not guaranteed....it is a privledge.  If you look at it like that, maybe I will wear my tube top and hip huggers and sing a little Three Dog Night.

The awakening of my "inner goddess"...

   We made it back home and what a great homecoming it was.  We waited for our bags, which surprisingly appeared after three plane changes and 12 hrs.  We go out by the curb to wait for Regan and the kids.  All of a sudden we hear PA...MIMI!!!!  and our little Karaline is running as fast as she can into our arms...Sean is following right behind her.  It almost felt like slow motion for a little bit.  I started crying and Karaline says, "Mimi, why are you crying?" and I say, "because I'm so happy and I missed you" and she says, "Me too".  

   I left my home and Indiana two weeks ago...pretty burned out.  I tried not to build the trip up in my mind too much, because so often when you do, it fails to live up to your expectations.  This trip was different in so many ways.  Usually, Rich and I get on each other's nerves after awhile and the time just seems to fly by.  This vacation was so different.  The time just seemed to stand still for us.  We laughed more than we ever had and just enjoyed being together.  Rich really seemed to relax, which is hard for him.  He was on his phone for a bit each day, checking in with his e-mails and Seth, but basically, he let all his stress go and he enjoyed himself so much.  I came back with the best tan of my life and my friend Shelby will approve I think.  I just did it a little bit at a time.  I never at any time got even the least bit pink.  There is just something about the Hawaiian sun.  Oh you can get burned...I saw many people that were.  You can lay out in the sun and never sweat...and every little bit, you feel this mist.  You look up in the sky and wonder where it is coming from, because it is all blue skies and sunshine and then you see a beautiful rainbow.  How can this place not be heaven on earth.

   For those of you who have read 50 Shades of Grey, you know what I mean by "inner goddess".  Now, I hope I don't gross out any of you young people who might be reading this, especially my kids.  But, contrary to what you might think....older people do have sex too.  My "inner goddess" has been comatose for awhile. It felt good to wake her up again and rediscover what it feels like to be young and in love again.  50 Shades of Grey was a bit over the top and I still prefer "vanilla", and those of you who have read the book, know what I mean.  I only got to read the first book, so maybe I can keep my "inner goddess" going for awhile longer yet, as I keep reading the books.  Rich got through all three of the Hunger Game books.  He really enjoyed that...do I dare turn him onto 50 Shades?  I think not, I can only handle one of us with an inner goddess....LOL

   I went to bed last night at about 8:00pm , but I was up at about 3:30 am.  I think it is gonna take awhile to get my inner clock reset.  I feel really rested right now, so I thought it would be a good time to blog.  Lots of unpacking and laundry.  Rich and I both said that we took way too many clothes this time.  I took several dresses and two pair of high heels...never wore any of that.  We were in our bathing suits alot and just our casual clothes.  Comfort is the most important thing.  

   While we were gone, we had time to discuss lots of things...we have decided that we will take each one of our grandkids on a cruise when they turn 7 yrs. old.  That means Karaline will be going on a cruise this year with us.  We want to do something special with each child so they will always remember it.  We think 7 is a good age.  They will be old enough to remember it and young enough to want to spend the time with Mimi and Pa.  Plus we will still be young enough to enjoy it with them.  Pa wants to take them snorkeling.  We will go somewhere in the Carribean because the plane trip to Maui, is just too long for a little kid.

   So, I feel like a new woman, ready to tackle the rest of the year.  My Regan is a teacher, so this fall, I will have Nicky full time.  I told Regan that Nick will think he is in boot camp.  He is so dependent on his Momma.  This will be good for both of them.  Life is like a box of chocolates...you just never know what you are gonna get.  I got to sample quite a few this trip and I hope I still have a few more to sample.  ALOHA AND MAHOLO  everyone, for taking the time to read my blog.  I love you all.

Today we leave Maui and I know a little bit of of my heart will stay here.  We met lots of people that come here every year, but we both said, we wouldn't want to do that.  The magic we felt the first couple days was something that we will never experience again.  It will always be beautiful, but all the magic that happened this time, will never happen again.  Seeing that sunrise on top of Haleakala was amazing, but seeing it a second time would probably not be something I would even want to do.  We said we would come back on our 45th Anniversary.  By then, we will need a little magic again.
   Rich and I both said it was fun acting like we were young and in love again.  We friended a young couple here at Kahanna Falls who are on their Honeymoon.  I took some pictures of them with their camera.  They couldn't believe that we were married 40 yrs.  I told them, it seems like just yesterday that we were young like they are now.  It goes by so quickly.  Rich and I have recharged our tanks and we're ready to embrace our lives again.  Routine is comforting, like a favorite old chair, but every once in awhile...you have to get out of your comfort zone and experience new things.  I tried snorkling...I really thought I could do it, but I was so terrified.  I was pathetic.  There was this big ole Texan guy named Mike and he was bound and determined to get me out there.  There was another older lady on the boat too, but I would say she was at least 10-15 yrs. older, so poor Mike, he was stuck with Becki and Sue.  Sue told me she had heart disease and couldn't use the snorkle.  I tried the snorkle mask, but wasn't talented enough to breath thru the snorkle. I did see some fish and the beautiful coral..It reminded me of a 3-D movie.  It was hilarious...I had three noodle things to keep me a float and was holding on to Mike for dear life.  I kept saying Oh God, Oh God and Sue was riding his back, it was the funniest thing I had ever seen.  We were two pathetic women, but Mike just kept trying to get us as comfortable with the water as he could, but I just could not overcome my fear.  I am usually not one to give up, but I was also sea sick, so I just wanted out of the water.  Rich had a GREAT time and I was so happy for that.  Rich is just such a thrill seeker, I used to be able to keep up with him, but not anymore.  I will just take pictures of him...LOL
   I am really looking forward to seeing Regan and the kids at the airport.  I know Karaline will come running into our arms with lots of kisses.  It will be wonderful to see Sean and Amber and Seth too.  We did manage to do Facetime with Amber on her phone, so we got to see Sean.  Technology is a wonderful thing.
   I'm glad our plane leaves at 9:00 at night...hopefully, we will sleep most of the way and maybe beat the jet lag.
   Kat said I need to snap out of it because I am coming back to the dry tundra.  I will always remember the misty showers that would happen several times a day when the sun was shining and after the shower a beautiful rainbow would happen.  Maui is truly paradise and I will miss it, but keep it close to my heart.

If my tomorrows are few...at least I have had today

You know how you anticipate something and then when you get there....it is just not what you expected?  This has gone beyond anything that I could have ever dreamed.  It is truly a dream come too.
   Our dream started out in Indy on Friday morning...While we were sitting in the Indy airport waiting to board, I wanted to get a picture of us at the airport..I have a chalkboard that I wrote Aloha on.  A lady saw us and came over with a box of Hawaiian candy.  She lives there and is going home...I knew right then and there...it was going to be a very special vacation.
   We have two weeks of fractional ownership in resort/condos, all over the world.  This means, we own this and do not have to pay anything ever again, unless we use it, then you have to pay for the maid service and cleanup for the week.  We can leave this to Regan and Seth when we die...I am so glad we did this.  We are staying in a room that is more like an apartment.  We were so tired last night from the Hana trip, that we just wanted to get back and stay in.  We stopped at a grocery store and bought some steaks and grilled out by the pool...we will do this again.  Loved it.  
   We are like all of you out there...you take your mate and love for granted.  You fall into your routine of life.
We are at the age in life, that we are still young enough physically, but we are seeing people all around us, becoming sick or even dying.  It makes you really enjoy these moments.  I am trying to savor them and I am trying to capture these moments on film.  I hope you all have enjoyed seeing Hawaii with me.  For me, this is a dream come true...Everywhere I go, is so beautiful.
   I haven't had any mishaps yet...no falling into a hole or no unexpected pantie whispers either...After our ride to Hana yesterday and being in the car all day....we stopped at a grocery store to get some food.  We both laughed at ourselves...we were both walking kinda stooped over and really sore.  We have to do our traveling to these faraway places when we are still capable of doing it...everything you really want to do takes a great deal of physical exertion.  We walked down to the black beach yesterday.  Going down to it was no problem...coming back up was another story.  Rich literally, put his hand on my butt and just pushed me up.  I felt like the little engine that could....LOL

    If my tomorrows are few.....at least I have had today...these words just came to me on this trip.  It pretty much sums up how I have been feeling.  Yes, being in Hawaii makes it easy to say this, but whereever you are...if you can savor your everyday joys...it will make your life so much richer.  Tomorrow is not ever guaranteed, only this moment, only what you make of it.
 

 
My wish for my kids is that someday on their Anniversary, they can come here and recapture their love.

Pantie Whispers....

Everyone does it...movie stars, cover girls, hunky guys and old guys.  Your dog will do it and so will your baby.  If you are human and alive....you do it.  It has been called many things, from cutting the cheese to passing gas.  I like to think of mine as pantie whispers.  It just sounds better.  Doesn't make it any less funny. We all have let the silent ones escape and hope the after glow isn't noticed.  The older you get, the harder it is to trust the fart...once you get burned by a shart, its hard to forget.  Not that it has ever happened to me, but I am sure, one day it will.
   Everyone has had their embarrassing moments with the pantie whispers.  I know I have.  Seven years ago when we went on our Hawaiian Cruise, it happened to me.  It was one of the formal nights and after dinner and the theatre, we went out with another couple we just met.  There was a dessert bar and everyone was going to the buffet for the goodies.  We were all sitting around eating our desserts, but I saw something that somebody else had and I wanted it, so I got up to get it.  While I was walking to the buffet, I felt a sneeze coming on.  Not wanting to embarrass myself sneezing, I held it in.  BIG MISTAKE...it had to come out somewhere and it did. I stood there paralyzed, hoping it was quiet enough that no one heard.  I looked back at Rich and he was laughing so hard he was crying...the guy that we were with leans over and says to Rich, " did your wife just cut the cheese?"  I couldn't help but laugh too.  There was a young server boy standing right by me and he was cracking up too.  Needless to say, I was the "butt" of alot of jokes the rest of the cruise.
   The next time I got caught was just last year on Regan's birthday.  I took Regan and Karaline to Beef and Boards for her birthday.  It was an awsome night.  Karaline loved it.  The food was good and so was the show.  Two hours later, we were walking to the car.  I must have been holding it in for the past two hours, because on the way to the car, I tooted.  Karaline heard it and says..."Mimi....Regan and I burst out laughing and the more I laughed, the more I tooted...it was hysterical.  What are ya gonna do...just laugh with it and make a memory.
   Rich got caught one time when we were going into the mall.  He thought I was behind him and I was, I just wasn't the only person behind him.  It sounded like he emptied his bowel and it was impossible not to notice.  I started laughing and so did the woman.  I of course acted like I didn't know him....LOL!
   One time Rich had one that would probably go down in the record books.  Our dog Kahte always slept under our bed.  He let out a fart that had to last 30 seconds and it was loud and continuous.  It scared the dog and drove her out from under the bed barking.  We laughed so hard and we will never forget that one.

   Farts can be embarrassing, but its all part of being human.  I have known people that say they would never fart in front of their spouse...that sucks for them.  They are missing one of the best parts of marriage...total acceptance and being so comfortable with someone.  I am now having pantie whispers...they just sound better.  These pictures were taken on the infamous pantie whispers events...I'm not embarrassed, I'm just glad I have some memories that made me laugh so hard I cried...we need more of those in our lives...and knowing me...I will probably have a few more stories.

It is, what it is....

I went shopping today.  I'm still searching for that outfit that will make me look like I used to...its a real challenge now to find things that are appropriate for my age.  I used to have a style about myself...I always wore the same kind of things...but now those things don't look good on me anymore and I have had to find a new style...I refuse to wear those old lady things, but on the other hand, I don't want to look like an old Cougar on the prowl.  I would like to know why they put that harsh overhead lighting in the dressing rooms...for crying out loud, trying on clothes is hard enough, but when your wrinkles and grey hair roots are spotlighted, you just want to cry.  I also think those mirrors have a funny curve about them...I swear I don't look that fat in my own mirror at home.  If someone was smart, they would put soft lighting and elongated mirrors in the dressing room.  I guarantee, they would sell more clothes.  I went bathing suit shopping recently for our trip.  That was not fun, but I actually found one that I don't hate.  I plan on being in a bathing suit quite a bit, which scares the crap out of me.  I won't know anyone there and the theory is, if you tan your skin, it will look better, so I am gonna try to get a little bit of a tan. 
  I have been struggling with my hair the last couple years.  Now on top of the greying, it is getting thinner.  It has lost its shine too.  Unfortunately the oil is still there, but that is not the same as shine.  I miss my shiny dark brown hair.  I decided recently to do something to my hair, that I am regretting now.  My hair was so thin and flat and just didn't have any style, so I decided to get a perm.  Well, either its my hair or my hairdresser, but it is not quite what I had hoped for.  Where I am really grey, it went a little fuzzy on me.  I just can't win with my hair...so the next thing is just shaving my head, buying a wig and just letting it grow out naturally...I'm just kidding, I would never be that brave, but it is tempting.  I think I may try short hair for awhile, but I will wait til I get back from Hawaii.  With a little work, I can make it look ok.  Men have it so easy...Rich really does shave his head and he looks good.
  I have come to the conclusion that the older I get, the harder it gets to achieve sexy....lol, if that is even possible.  Its hard to be sexy when your night cap is mira-lax and you go through the tweezer/magnifying glass ritual every night.  But it is what it is...and you do the best with what ya got.  I'm reading 50 Shades of Grey while I am in Hawaii and Rich is reading Hunger Games.  That can go one of two ways...we are both so into the book that we can't put it down, or we get into it and Rich chases me through the rain forest and when he catches me I whip him like a bad boy.  I am sure a blog about that will follow....stay tuned.

Seriously...do I look like that?

A young friend of mine had a post today that hit home for me...he said," I'm ready to act 32 instead of 22, but now that I am 32, I look at other people that old and think...gosh they look old...do I look like that?"  I told him I knew exactly how he felt and unfortunately, it won't get any better.  Turning 60, I always thought, would never happen to me, because that was old and of course, I never thought I would get old.  I don't know what I thought...I guess I was in denial.  I still have people tell me that I don't look 60 and I certainly don't act or feel 60, but when I look in the mirror...I know the real truth.  I am slowly accepting it...like what else can you do but accept it.  I have a friend that has decided to tackle aging by exercising vigorously and saying his prayers.  I guess he's got it covered on both ends...living as long as he can and when he dies, going to heaven.  I guess I have some work ahead of me.
Many friends have turned 60 already and I look at them and think....its not so bad...they are as beautiful and sexy as ever.  So you do what you can to stay young...if that is exercise for you, then go walk to the moon, if getting more in touch with God eases the anxiety, then by all means, do that too.  What I have learned in these 60 short years I have been alive, is every person is different and deals with things the best way they know how.  I think for me...buying a new push-up bra and panties might do the trick.
   

Ode to Motherhood...

We are Mothers and we are Grandmothers, we are the ones that do what no one else will do...Without us...our  families would starve and live in filth...I think our families don't realize all that we do, because it just magically gets done and I think they assume some fairy comes in and does it.  Here are a few of the "magical things" that get done:  Changing and hanging the toilet paper, emptying waste baskets, changing the sheets on the bed, cleaning the toilets and that disgusting underneath of the toilet seat, picking up cat pukey hairballs, changing the litter boxes, picking up the doggy turds inside and out, gathering the dirty dishes left on the end tables, putting out fresh towels, cleaning the soap scum from showers and tubs, cleaning up the pukey from an all nighter with a sick kid, answering the call when a kid cries in the middle of the night, vacuuming the debri from the car, cleaning the water spots off the mirror in the bathroom, taking the moldy food out of the refrigerator, cleaning the microwave when "someone" explodes food in it, going to the grocery store and buying all their favorite foods and having a hot meal made at dinner, even though you just had the day from hell.  I'm sure there are many more magical things that we do, but these are a few that come to mind.  But now I have to lists all the perks I get from being a Mom and Mimi:  When the grands come and their faces light up when they see you, being told by a little girl that you will always be in her heart, when a certain little boy asks if you are happy and then kisses you, getting a kiss from a little boy that doesn't give out kisses that often, being told thank you Mimi without being prompted, seeing your children achieve greatness and knowing that you have made a difference in their lives.  It seems as if I have been a Mom my whole life...I scarcely remember my life before I was a wife, mother and mimi.  When I leave this world, I want to leave my footprints on my loved ones...I want them to remember me, I want to leave memories that they will always tell, but most of all...I have to show someone how to pick up cat pukey hairballs and clean the underneath of a toilet.

What I know for sure....

As I appoach my 60th year of life, I finally feel like I have learned some things and that I have resolved some of my issues....not all of them....because I have alot more life to live.  Life is always evolving...changing every day and learning new things by the screw ups that you do.  Failure comes only if you don't learn from your past mistakes.

   What I know for sure:  My life would not be worth living if I had not married a young boy named Richard Montague on Jul 1st, 1972.  We both were lost, but in each other, we found our other half and became one.

I also realize that I have been a control freak...and that I have to let go.  Its a Mom thing and also something that is fueled by my anxiety.  I am a fixer, but it is exhausting and I am trying to let go of that.

   I also have know for sure that my high heeled days are over.  We went out the other night to The Murder Mystery Cafe with friends.  I wanted to dress up, since I am in blue jeans and flip flops most of the time.  I wore my new black high heels.  There is nothing sexier than a woman that is owning her heels and walking with confidence and sex appeal.  Well, that was NOT me that night.  Rich parked the car as far away as he possibly could, so walking sexy was not on my mind.   Just trying to keep the darn things on my feet and trying to forget that the balls of my feet were cussing me out.  The next day my knees kinda hurt and I realized for sure....my high heeled days are over.  It makes me said to realize this...but I just have to learn to walk sexy in flats.

   I have also realized that friends are a very important part of my life...finding people that get you is hard...and strange as it seems...not everyone gets you. To find someone that truly laughs at the same things you do and can make you laugh when you feel like crying, is so rare....thank you Kat for coming into my life.  Old friends are to be cherished....this I know for sure.

   Knowing things is half the battle...implementing what you know, is the other half.  I wish I knew then what I know now.  I would not have laid in the sun as much.  When you get older your skin changes and old skin DOES NOT LOOK BETTER BROWN.  Maybe just a little bit of color, but the last thing you want to do is burn your skin.  I think if you did, it just might all melt away. 

   2012 is a big year for me.  I remember when I was little, thinking that 2000 would be so strange and here we are....12 years into it.  Turning 60 will NOT be easy for me....and I would have to say, of all birthdays, that one is the hardest.  Saying that you are married 40 years is quite the milestone too.  I remember when just being 40 seemed so old....now it all just seems so surreal.  I am getting to that age now, that people I know are dying...some older, but yes, some younger.  What I know for sure?  Growing old is a privledge that you are not guaranteed, so live each day as full as you can.  I know I don't have to worry about laughing...I just tune into Facebook and see what Kat has posted and I have my children and grandchildren to make me smile and be proud everyday.  Then at night, I lay beside my love and I know...my life is good and for right now...I am happy...this I know for sure.

Which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it?

Its been awhile since I have blogged...no real reason for it...just life gets busy.  I recently got to go on a little escape vacation.  While I was there, I did alot of thinking.  I was trying to get in touch with who I am now.  Since I scaresley recognize the person I see in the mirror..I decided that I must come to grips with my aging self.  Its hard to fool anybody anymore or myself...I will be 60 years old this summer.  That is a big milestone...so I am determined to be happy with who I am and just be thankful that I am 60 and healthy.  Rich asked me something when we were in AZ.  He said..."I wonder which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it".  We had a pretty good conversation about this...I think it is the desire...for the desire is the fuel to do it.  Everyday that we were out there...he walked around the subdivision.  I would have went with him, but they live in a very hilly area...and my desire to walk uphill told me to stay home and read my Hunger Games.  He still has the desire and the energy to back it up.  I never was very athletic...my passion has always been being artistic.  I love to create things, but most of all, I love photography.  I wish I would have done more professionally with my photography, but I enjoy just doing it for other people now.  I have realized that if you don't have something that defines you...you will not feel that good about yourself...you must find something that interests you...it can be reading, gardening, walking...really anything that makes you happy. 

   So today....I am happy...it feels good to not be worrying about anything.  I know something will come along that will send my anxiety soaring again, but for now...I am happy and I hope you can feel my smile.

What it takes to get out of the house with a 1 yr. old

I heard on the news this morning that the NFL Experience is closing and all merchandise is 75% off.  I really wanted to pick up some t-shirts and posters, so I decided that Nicky and I could do this.  We needed to get an early start, so I got Nicky fed and turned Mickey on so I could jump in the shower.  I got myself ready in record time and then got Nick dressed and his shoes on.  I then precede to "pack" things up.  I got some diapers and made sure I had wetnaps.  Then I filled one snack bag with graham crackers and the other one with goldfish crackers.  I got his sippy cup filled with juice and then put a yogurt cup in just in case.  I grabbed a bottle of water for me.  Now I needed hats, gloves and coats and loaded them in the car.  One last thing....I needed to get Nicky...I shut the TV off and picked him up...I felt something moist on my hand...never a good sign...I set him down to check.  Yep, poop going up his back.  I considered this a good sign because if this would have happened in the car seat or at the NFL Experience, this would have been a disaster...fortunately his blue jeans were ok, but the shirt had to be replaced.  After cleaning up the mess and redressing him...I was finally ready to get out the door and head downtown.  We made it there with no problem...I just drove down Capital until I couldn't anymore and pulled in a parking garage.  It was the Hyatt, so I wasn't sure I could park there.  I nice young man came up to me and I explained what I was doing.  He said I could park in the self-parking garage underground.  He told me where to go, so I followed his direction but when I got there, a gate was down.  I just assumed it would go up, but it didn't.  I sat there for a little while, not knowing what to do.  The nice young man came down to me and was smiling.  I say to him, " the gate won't go up" and he says, "Mam, you have to press the button to get your ticket and then it will".  I burst out laughing and so did he...I told him, "My husband worries about me...I have to die first".

Well, we found a place to park and I started to unload everything.  Got the stroller all set up with all the gear.  Then I got Nicky.  Another nice young man was watching all this.  I asked him how to get to the NFL Experience and he said, "Follow me".  Now I know what everyone was talking about, Indianapolis is truly the friendliest place and not just for the SuperBowl.  He got me out of the garage and to the elevator.  Indy is set up so convenient.  Nicky and I never stepped outside...the whole city is connected by these walkways.  With some help of some other nice people, we found the Pro-shop where all the merchandise was.  There were quite a few people in there.  So much of the merchandise was overpriced.  I saw women's t-shirts with some rhinstones on it that sold for $90 and mens sweaters that were $145.  Even at 75% off, they were still expensive.  All I wanted was some basic t-shirts.  Had to settle for t-shirts with the Giants and Patriots on them, but then, they were in the Superbowl.  They had some with just Indianapolis SuperBowl on them, but only the very large or the very small were left.  Got Rich a hat and picked up some posters too.  While I was shopping, little Nick was so good.  At one point, he slid out of the stroller..he was hanging half in and half out...his head was stuck.  I started laughing because I couldn't get him to slide the rest of the way out and I couldn't pull him back up either...some nice man came and helped me.  He held the stroller and I pulled Nick out.  He didn't cry, but it was probably because I was laughing so hard.  I decided it was time for me to get out of here, so I stood in line to check out.  Even though I had some things go wrong....all in all, I got there no problem and made it back home.  I need to do this more.  I am so used to other people taking care of me and doing for me.  I am so directionally challenged...always have been and the older I get the worse it gets.  Age robs you of lots of things, but I will keep getting out there and doing it. 

It's not always easy....

I haven't blogged in awhile, but things have been really busy...life has a way of setting the pace.  You just have to hang on sometimes and pray for quieter times.  I read a blog that someone wrote about how it annoyed them when little old ladies would come up to her and say, "Enjoy these times, they go so fast".  Maybe they go fast because they aren't always that enjoyable.  I am one of those little old ladies and I can tell you right now, time does go fast, especially after 50.  I remember all to well my days as a young Mom and it wasn't all fun and Hallmark moments.  There was times when you just didn't think you could do it all.  I marvel at all the young Moms that work and go to school and have children.  I have two very spectacular daughters that do just that.  My daughter Regan's little boy Nickolas, has been very challenging.  Sleepless nights are the norm.  I am babysitting my grandchildren, so I know the challenges young children can be.  As much as I enjoy it, cleaning poop around testicles won't be missed and wiping snotty noses and constant drool won't be missed either.  What I will miss are those sweet little smiles and when they say, "I love you Mimi".  I love all the first things in their lives and the joy on my children's faces as they watch their children achieve.  I have learned through the years that you can't do it all and you can't judge yourself by what other people do.  It only makes you doubt yourself...and I swear, kids can sense fear and you have to be strong.  The most important thing is, when you come across those moments of utter joy, stop and breathe it in.  Record it in your mind and try to keep that memory in.  One day, you may find yourself forgetting all the sleepless nights, poopy diapers and runny noses and tell some young mom, " Enjoy these times, they go so fast."  Time is what it is...it is made up of moments...some very wonderful ones and some that you just try to get through hoping for easier times.  Don't get me wrong..I consider being a Mom and Mimi my greatest accomplishments, but I also know that all the moments have been like a quilt...each patch a different stage of life.  Some patches are prettier than otheres, but when they are all quilted together, they keep you warm and give you great comfort.