If my tomorrows are few...at least I have had today

You know how you anticipate something and then when you get there....it is just not what you expected?  This has gone beyond anything that I could have ever dreamed.  It is truly a dream come too.
   Our dream started out in Indy on Friday morning...While we were sitting in the Indy airport waiting to board, I wanted to get a picture of us at the airport..I have a chalkboard that I wrote Aloha on.  A lady saw us and came over with a box of Hawaiian candy.  She lives there and is going home...I knew right then and there...it was going to be a very special vacation.
   We have two weeks of fractional ownership in resort/condos, all over the world.  This means, we own this and do not have to pay anything ever again, unless we use it, then you have to pay for the maid service and cleanup for the week.  We can leave this to Regan and Seth when we die...I am so glad we did this.  We are staying in a room that is more like an apartment.  We were so tired last night from the Hana trip, that we just wanted to get back and stay in.  We stopped at a grocery store and bought some steaks and grilled out by the pool...we will do this again.  Loved it.  
   We are like all of you out there...you take your mate and love for granted.  You fall into your routine of life.
We are at the age in life, that we are still young enough physically, but we are seeing people all around us, becoming sick or even dying.  It makes you really enjoy these moments.  I am trying to savor them and I am trying to capture these moments on film.  I hope you all have enjoyed seeing Hawaii with me.  For me, this is a dream come true...Everywhere I go, is so beautiful.
   I haven't had any mishaps yet...no falling into a hole or no unexpected pantie whispers either...After our ride to Hana yesterday and being in the car all day....we stopped at a grocery store to get some food.  We both laughed at ourselves...we were both walking kinda stooped over and really sore.  We have to do our traveling to these faraway places when we are still capable of doing it...everything you really want to do takes a great deal of physical exertion.  We walked down to the black beach yesterday.  Going down to it was no problem...coming back up was another story.  Rich literally, put his hand on my butt and just pushed me up.  I felt like the little engine that could....LOL

    If my tomorrows are few.....at least I have had today...these words just came to me on this trip.  It pretty much sums up how I have been feeling.  Yes, being in Hawaii makes it easy to say this, but whereever you are...if you can savor your everyday joys...it will make your life so much richer.  Tomorrow is not ever guaranteed, only this moment, only what you make of it.
 

 
My wish for my kids is that someday on their Anniversary, they can come here and recapture their love.

Pantie Whispers....

Everyone does it...movie stars, cover girls, hunky guys and old guys.  Your dog will do it and so will your baby.  If you are human and alive....you do it.  It has been called many things, from cutting the cheese to passing gas.  I like to think of mine as pantie whispers.  It just sounds better.  Doesn't make it any less funny. We all have let the silent ones escape and hope the after glow isn't noticed.  The older you get, the harder it is to trust the fart...once you get burned by a shart, its hard to forget.  Not that it has ever happened to me, but I am sure, one day it will.
   Everyone has had their embarrassing moments with the pantie whispers.  I know I have.  Seven years ago when we went on our Hawaiian Cruise, it happened to me.  It was one of the formal nights and after dinner and the theatre, we went out with another couple we just met.  There was a dessert bar and everyone was going to the buffet for the goodies.  We were all sitting around eating our desserts, but I saw something that somebody else had and I wanted it, so I got up to get it.  While I was walking to the buffet, I felt a sneeze coming on.  Not wanting to embarrass myself sneezing, I held it in.  BIG MISTAKE...it had to come out somewhere and it did. I stood there paralyzed, hoping it was quiet enough that no one heard.  I looked back at Rich and he was laughing so hard he was crying...the guy that we were with leans over and says to Rich, " did your wife just cut the cheese?"  I couldn't help but laugh too.  There was a young server boy standing right by me and he was cracking up too.  Needless to say, I was the "butt" of alot of jokes the rest of the cruise.
   The next time I got caught was just last year on Regan's birthday.  I took Regan and Karaline to Beef and Boards for her birthday.  It was an awsome night.  Karaline loved it.  The food was good and so was the show.  Two hours later, we were walking to the car.  I must have been holding it in for the past two hours, because on the way to the car, I tooted.  Karaline heard it and says..."Mimi....Regan and I burst out laughing and the more I laughed, the more I tooted...it was hysterical.  What are ya gonna do...just laugh with it and make a memory.
   Rich got caught one time when we were going into the mall.  He thought I was behind him and I was, I just wasn't the only person behind him.  It sounded like he emptied his bowel and it was impossible not to notice.  I started laughing and so did the woman.  I of course acted like I didn't know him....LOL!
   One time Rich had one that would probably go down in the record books.  Our dog Kahte always slept under our bed.  He let out a fart that had to last 30 seconds and it was loud and continuous.  It scared the dog and drove her out from under the bed barking.  We laughed so hard and we will never forget that one.

   Farts can be embarrassing, but its all part of being human.  I have known people that say they would never fart in front of their spouse...that sucks for them.  They are missing one of the best parts of marriage...total acceptance and being so comfortable with someone.  I am now having pantie whispers...they just sound better.  These pictures were taken on the infamous pantie whispers events...I'm not embarrassed, I'm just glad I have some memories that made me laugh so hard I cried...we need more of those in our lives...and knowing me...I will probably have a few more stories.

It is, what it is....

I went shopping today.  I'm still searching for that outfit that will make me look like I used to...its a real challenge now to find things that are appropriate for my age.  I used to have a style about myself...I always wore the same kind of things...but now those things don't look good on me anymore and I have had to find a new style...I refuse to wear those old lady things, but on the other hand, I don't want to look like an old Cougar on the prowl.  I would like to know why they put that harsh overhead lighting in the dressing rooms...for crying out loud, trying on clothes is hard enough, but when your wrinkles and grey hair roots are spotlighted, you just want to cry.  I also think those mirrors have a funny curve about them...I swear I don't look that fat in my own mirror at home.  If someone was smart, they would put soft lighting and elongated mirrors in the dressing room.  I guarantee, they would sell more clothes.  I went bathing suit shopping recently for our trip.  That was not fun, but I actually found one that I don't hate.  I plan on being in a bathing suit quite a bit, which scares the crap out of me.  I won't know anyone there and the theory is, if you tan your skin, it will look better, so I am gonna try to get a little bit of a tan. 
  I have been struggling with my hair the last couple years.  Now on top of the greying, it is getting thinner.  It has lost its shine too.  Unfortunately the oil is still there, but that is not the same as shine.  I miss my shiny dark brown hair.  I decided recently to do something to my hair, that I am regretting now.  My hair was so thin and flat and just didn't have any style, so I decided to get a perm.  Well, either its my hair or my hairdresser, but it is not quite what I had hoped for.  Where I am really grey, it went a little fuzzy on me.  I just can't win with my hair...so the next thing is just shaving my head, buying a wig and just letting it grow out naturally...I'm just kidding, I would never be that brave, but it is tempting.  I think I may try short hair for awhile, but I will wait til I get back from Hawaii.  With a little work, I can make it look ok.  Men have it so easy...Rich really does shave his head and he looks good.
  I have come to the conclusion that the older I get, the harder it gets to achieve sexy....lol, if that is even possible.  Its hard to be sexy when your night cap is mira-lax and you go through the tweezer/magnifying glass ritual every night.  But it is what it is...and you do the best with what ya got.  I'm reading 50 Shades of Grey while I am in Hawaii and Rich is reading Hunger Games.  That can go one of two ways...we are both so into the book that we can't put it down, or we get into it and Rich chases me through the rain forest and when he catches me I whip him like a bad boy.  I am sure a blog about that will follow....stay tuned.

Seriously...do I look like that?

A young friend of mine had a post today that hit home for me...he said," I'm ready to act 32 instead of 22, but now that I am 32, I look at other people that old and think...gosh they look old...do I look like that?"  I told him I knew exactly how he felt and unfortunately, it won't get any better.  Turning 60, I always thought, would never happen to me, because that was old and of course, I never thought I would get old.  I don't know what I thought...I guess I was in denial.  I still have people tell me that I don't look 60 and I certainly don't act or feel 60, but when I look in the mirror...I know the real truth.  I am slowly accepting it...like what else can you do but accept it.  I have a friend that has decided to tackle aging by exercising vigorously and saying his prayers.  I guess he's got it covered on both ends...living as long as he can and when he dies, going to heaven.  I guess I have some work ahead of me.
Many friends have turned 60 already and I look at them and think....its not so bad...they are as beautiful and sexy as ever.  So you do what you can to stay young...if that is exercise for you, then go walk to the moon, if getting more in touch with God eases the anxiety, then by all means, do that too.  What I have learned in these 60 short years I have been alive, is every person is different and deals with things the best way they know how.  I think for me...buying a new push-up bra and panties might do the trick.
   

Ode to Motherhood...

We are Mothers and we are Grandmothers, we are the ones that do what no one else will do...Without us...our  families would starve and live in filth...I think our families don't realize all that we do, because it just magically gets done and I think they assume some fairy comes in and does it.  Here are a few of the "magical things" that get done:  Changing and hanging the toilet paper, emptying waste baskets, changing the sheets on the bed, cleaning the toilets and that disgusting underneath of the toilet seat, picking up cat pukey hairballs, changing the litter boxes, picking up the doggy turds inside and out, gathering the dirty dishes left on the end tables, putting out fresh towels, cleaning the soap scum from showers and tubs, cleaning up the pukey from an all nighter with a sick kid, answering the call when a kid cries in the middle of the night, vacuuming the debri from the car, cleaning the water spots off the mirror in the bathroom, taking the moldy food out of the refrigerator, cleaning the microwave when "someone" explodes food in it, going to the grocery store and buying all their favorite foods and having a hot meal made at dinner, even though you just had the day from hell.  I'm sure there are many more magical things that we do, but these are a few that come to mind.  But now I have to lists all the perks I get from being a Mom and Mimi:  When the grands come and their faces light up when they see you, being told by a little girl that you will always be in her heart, when a certain little boy asks if you are happy and then kisses you, getting a kiss from a little boy that doesn't give out kisses that often, being told thank you Mimi without being prompted, seeing your children achieve greatness and knowing that you have made a difference in their lives.  It seems as if I have been a Mom my whole life...I scarcely remember my life before I was a wife, mother and mimi.  When I leave this world, I want to leave my footprints on my loved ones...I want them to remember me, I want to leave memories that they will always tell, but most of all...I have to show someone how to pick up cat pukey hairballs and clean the underneath of a toilet.

What I know for sure....

As I appoach my 60th year of life, I finally feel like I have learned some things and that I have resolved some of my issues....not all of them....because I have alot more life to live.  Life is always evolving...changing every day and learning new things by the screw ups that you do.  Failure comes only if you don't learn from your past mistakes.

   What I know for sure:  My life would not be worth living if I had not married a young boy named Richard Montague on Jul 1st, 1972.  We both were lost, but in each other, we found our other half and became one.

I also realize that I have been a control freak...and that I have to let go.  Its a Mom thing and also something that is fueled by my anxiety.  I am a fixer, but it is exhausting and I am trying to let go of that.

   I also have know for sure that my high heeled days are over.  We went out the other night to The Murder Mystery Cafe with friends.  I wanted to dress up, since I am in blue jeans and flip flops most of the time.  I wore my new black high heels.  There is nothing sexier than a woman that is owning her heels and walking with confidence and sex appeal.  Well, that was NOT me that night.  Rich parked the car as far away as he possibly could, so walking sexy was not on my mind.   Just trying to keep the darn things on my feet and trying to forget that the balls of my feet were cussing me out.  The next day my knees kinda hurt and I realized for sure....my high heeled days are over.  It makes me said to realize this...but I just have to learn to walk sexy in flats.

   I have also realized that friends are a very important part of my life...finding people that get you is hard...and strange as it seems...not everyone gets you. To find someone that truly laughs at the same things you do and can make you laugh when you feel like crying, is so rare....thank you Kat for coming into my life.  Old friends are to be cherished....this I know for sure.

   Knowing things is half the battle...implementing what you know, is the other half.  I wish I knew then what I know now.  I would not have laid in the sun as much.  When you get older your skin changes and old skin DOES NOT LOOK BETTER BROWN.  Maybe just a little bit of color, but the last thing you want to do is burn your skin.  I think if you did, it just might all melt away. 

   2012 is a big year for me.  I remember when I was little, thinking that 2000 would be so strange and here we are....12 years into it.  Turning 60 will NOT be easy for me....and I would have to say, of all birthdays, that one is the hardest.  Saying that you are married 40 years is quite the milestone too.  I remember when just being 40 seemed so old....now it all just seems so surreal.  I am getting to that age now, that people I know are dying...some older, but yes, some younger.  What I know for sure?  Growing old is a privledge that you are not guaranteed, so live each day as full as you can.  I know I don't have to worry about laughing...I just tune into Facebook and see what Kat has posted and I have my children and grandchildren to make me smile and be proud everyday.  Then at night, I lay beside my love and I know...my life is good and for right now...I am happy...this I know for sure.

Which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it?

Its been awhile since I have blogged...no real reason for it...just life gets busy.  I recently got to go on a little escape vacation.  While I was there, I did alot of thinking.  I was trying to get in touch with who I am now.  Since I scaresley recognize the person I see in the mirror..I decided that I must come to grips with my aging self.  Its hard to fool anybody anymore or myself...I will be 60 years old this summer.  That is a big milestone...so I am determined to be happy with who I am and just be thankful that I am 60 and healthy.  Rich asked me something when we were in AZ.  He said..."I wonder which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it".  We had a pretty good conversation about this...I think it is the desire...for the desire is the fuel to do it.  Everyday that we were out there...he walked around the subdivision.  I would have went with him, but they live in a very hilly area...and my desire to walk uphill told me to stay home and read my Hunger Games.  He still has the desire and the energy to back it up.  I never was very athletic...my passion has always been being artistic.  I love to create things, but most of all, I love photography.  I wish I would have done more professionally with my photography, but I enjoy just doing it for other people now.  I have realized that if you don't have something that defines you...you will not feel that good about yourself...you must find something that interests you...it can be reading, gardening, walking...really anything that makes you happy. 

   So today....I am happy...it feels good to not be worrying about anything.  I know something will come along that will send my anxiety soaring again, but for now...I am happy and I hope you can feel my smile.