What I know for sure....

As I appoach my 60th year of life, I finally feel like I have learned some things and that I have resolved some of my issues....not all of them....because I have alot more life to live.  Life is always evolving...changing every day and learning new things by the screw ups that you do.  Failure comes only if you don't learn from your past mistakes.

   What I know for sure:  My life would not be worth living if I had not married a young boy named Richard Montague on Jul 1st, 1972.  We both were lost, but in each other, we found our other half and became one.

I also realize that I have been a control freak...and that I have to let go.  Its a Mom thing and also something that is fueled by my anxiety.  I am a fixer, but it is exhausting and I am trying to let go of that.

   I also have know for sure that my high heeled days are over.  We went out the other night to The Murder Mystery Cafe with friends.  I wanted to dress up, since I am in blue jeans and flip flops most of the time.  I wore my new black high heels.  There is nothing sexier than a woman that is owning her heels and walking with confidence and sex appeal.  Well, that was NOT me that night.  Rich parked the car as far away as he possibly could, so walking sexy was not on my mind.   Just trying to keep the darn things on my feet and trying to forget that the balls of my feet were cussing me out.  The next day my knees kinda hurt and I realized for sure....my high heeled days are over.  It makes me said to realize this...but I just have to learn to walk sexy in flats.

   I have also realized that friends are a very important part of my life...finding people that get you is hard...and strange as it seems...not everyone gets you. To find someone that truly laughs at the same things you do and can make you laugh when you feel like crying, is so rare....thank you Kat for coming into my life.  Old friends are to be cherished....this I know for sure.

   Knowing things is half the battle...implementing what you know, is the other half.  I wish I knew then what I know now.  I would not have laid in the sun as much.  When you get older your skin changes and old skin DOES NOT LOOK BETTER BROWN.  Maybe just a little bit of color, but the last thing you want to do is burn your skin.  I think if you did, it just might all melt away. 

   2012 is a big year for me.  I remember when I was little, thinking that 2000 would be so strange and here we are....12 years into it.  Turning 60 will NOT be easy for me....and I would have to say, of all birthdays, that one is the hardest.  Saying that you are married 40 years is quite the milestone too.  I remember when just being 40 seemed so old....now it all just seems so surreal.  I am getting to that age now, that people I know are dying...some older, but yes, some younger.  What I know for sure?  Growing old is a privledge that you are not guaranteed, so live each day as full as you can.  I know I don't have to worry about laughing...I just tune into Facebook and see what Kat has posted and I have my children and grandchildren to make me smile and be proud everyday.  Then at night, I lay beside my love and I know...my life is good and for right now...I am happy...this I know for sure.

Which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it?

Its been awhile since I have blogged...no real reason for it...just life gets busy.  I recently got to go on a little escape vacation.  While I was there, I did alot of thinking.  I was trying to get in touch with who I am now.  Since I scaresley recognize the person I see in the mirror..I decided that I must come to grips with my aging self.  Its hard to fool anybody anymore or myself...I will be 60 years old this summer.  That is a big milestone...so I am determined to be happy with who I am and just be thankful that I am 60 and healthy.  Rich asked me something when we were in AZ.  He said..."I wonder which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it".  We had a pretty good conversation about this...I think it is the desire...for the desire is the fuel to do it.  Everyday that we were out there...he walked around the subdivision.  I would have went with him, but they live in a very hilly area...and my desire to walk uphill told me to stay home and read my Hunger Games.  He still has the desire and the energy to back it up.  I never was very athletic...my passion has always been being artistic.  I love to create things, but most of all, I love photography.  I wish I would have done more professionally with my photography, but I enjoy just doing it for other people now.  I have realized that if you don't have something that defines you...you will not feel that good about yourself...you must find something that interests you...it can be reading, gardening, walking...really anything that makes you happy. 

   So today....I am happy...it feels good to not be worrying about anything.  I know something will come along that will send my anxiety soaring again, but for now...I am happy and I hope you can feel my smile.

What it takes to get out of the house with a 1 yr. old

I heard on the news this morning that the NFL Experience is closing and all merchandise is 75% off.  I really wanted to pick up some t-shirts and posters, so I decided that Nicky and I could do this.  We needed to get an early start, so I got Nicky fed and turned Mickey on so I could jump in the shower.  I got myself ready in record time and then got Nick dressed and his shoes on.  I then precede to "pack" things up.  I got some diapers and made sure I had wetnaps.  Then I filled one snack bag with graham crackers and the other one with goldfish crackers.  I got his sippy cup filled with juice and then put a yogurt cup in just in case.  I grabbed a bottle of water for me.  Now I needed hats, gloves and coats and loaded them in the car.  One last thing....I needed to get Nicky...I shut the TV off and picked him up...I felt something moist on my hand...never a good sign...I set him down to check.  Yep, poop going up his back.  I considered this a good sign because if this would have happened in the car seat or at the NFL Experience, this would have been a disaster...fortunately his blue jeans were ok, but the shirt had to be replaced.  After cleaning up the mess and redressing him...I was finally ready to get out the door and head downtown.  We made it there with no problem...I just drove down Capital until I couldn't anymore and pulled in a parking garage.  It was the Hyatt, so I wasn't sure I could park there.  I nice young man came up to me and I explained what I was doing.  He said I could park in the self-parking garage underground.  He told me where to go, so I followed his direction but when I got there, a gate was down.  I just assumed it would go up, but it didn't.  I sat there for a little while, not knowing what to do.  The nice young man came down to me and was smiling.  I say to him, " the gate won't go up" and he says, "Mam, you have to press the button to get your ticket and then it will".  I burst out laughing and so did he...I told him, "My husband worries about me...I have to die first".

Well, we found a place to park and I started to unload everything.  Got the stroller all set up with all the gear.  Then I got Nicky.  Another nice young man was watching all this.  I asked him how to get to the NFL Experience and he said, "Follow me".  Now I know what everyone was talking about, Indianapolis is truly the friendliest place and not just for the SuperBowl.  He got me out of the garage and to the elevator.  Indy is set up so convenient.  Nicky and I never stepped outside...the whole city is connected by these walkways.  With some help of some other nice people, we found the Pro-shop where all the merchandise was.  There were quite a few people in there.  So much of the merchandise was overpriced.  I saw women's t-shirts with some rhinstones on it that sold for $90 and mens sweaters that were $145.  Even at 75% off, they were still expensive.  All I wanted was some basic t-shirts.  Had to settle for t-shirts with the Giants and Patriots on them, but then, they were in the Superbowl.  They had some with just Indianapolis SuperBowl on them, but only the very large or the very small were left.  Got Rich a hat and picked up some posters too.  While I was shopping, little Nick was so good.  At one point, he slid out of the stroller..he was hanging half in and half out...his head was stuck.  I started laughing because I couldn't get him to slide the rest of the way out and I couldn't pull him back up either...some nice man came and helped me.  He held the stroller and I pulled Nick out.  He didn't cry, but it was probably because I was laughing so hard.  I decided it was time for me to get out of here, so I stood in line to check out.  Even though I had some things go wrong....all in all, I got there no problem and made it back home.  I need to do this more.  I am so used to other people taking care of me and doing for me.  I am so directionally challenged...always have been and the older I get the worse it gets.  Age robs you of lots of things, but I will keep getting out there and doing it. 

It's not always easy....

I haven't blogged in awhile, but things have been really busy...life has a way of setting the pace.  You just have to hang on sometimes and pray for quieter times.  I read a blog that someone wrote about how it annoyed them when little old ladies would come up to her and say, "Enjoy these times, they go so fast".  Maybe they go fast because they aren't always that enjoyable.  I am one of those little old ladies and I can tell you right now, time does go fast, especially after 50.  I remember all to well my days as a young Mom and it wasn't all fun and Hallmark moments.  There was times when you just didn't think you could do it all.  I marvel at all the young Moms that work and go to school and have children.  I have two very spectacular daughters that do just that.  My daughter Regan's little boy Nickolas, has been very challenging.  Sleepless nights are the norm.  I am babysitting my grandchildren, so I know the challenges young children can be.  As much as I enjoy it, cleaning poop around testicles won't be missed and wiping snotty noses and constant drool won't be missed either.  What I will miss are those sweet little smiles and when they say, "I love you Mimi".  I love all the first things in their lives and the joy on my children's faces as they watch their children achieve.  I have learned through the years that you can't do it all and you can't judge yourself by what other people do.  It only makes you doubt yourself...and I swear, kids can sense fear and you have to be strong.  The most important thing is, when you come across those moments of utter joy, stop and breathe it in.  Record it in your mind and try to keep that memory in.  One day, you may find yourself forgetting all the sleepless nights, poopy diapers and runny noses and tell some young mom, " Enjoy these times, they go so fast."  Time is what it is...it is made up of moments...some very wonderful ones and some that you just try to get through hoping for easier times.  Don't get me wrong..I consider being a Mom and Mimi my greatest accomplishments, but I also know that all the moments have been like a quilt...each patch a different stage of life.  Some patches are prettier than otheres, but when they are all quilted together, they keep you warm and give you great comfort.

A Very Montague ThanksChristmas

ThanksChristmas 2011 was held at our house this year...I prepared for it for a month...I love to do this kind of thing.  I wanted to make it one everyone would remember.  After my turkey mishap...I was wondering if everything would be ok, but it worked out perfectly.  I had enough food to feed another 40 people.  I came from such a small family, so when I married Richard, I became a Montague and part of something bigger than all of us.
    Every family has their trials and tribulations and the Montague's aren't immune to it, but the commraderie of the siblings is what got them through it.  Rich brought out his Dad's purple heart and metals that we framed for him one year...I guess he wanted Dad to be here too. 
   Our Steal a Gift Exchange was a big success...some gifts were better than others...but the can of Fart Exstinguisher got a big laugh and besides....who couldn't use a can every once in awhile...Jelly got it and was a good sport.  But the funniest was Regan's hooker shoes...Donna got them first, but Justin stole them for Lisa...Lisa couldn't be here with us, so I would love to see her face when she opens the box.
   I had sit down for 40 people, so everyone had a place to eat the delicious food that we had.  I always think I have to make twice as much food, but you don't really when there is so much to choose from.  I will be eating turkey noodle soup for quite awhile.
   Santa made a visit and the children loved it.  Joe played Santa this year and came up the back porch.  All the kids gathered around him.  Karaline says, "hey I know you" and was quickly shooshed.  The best part was when Nickolas sat on Santa/Daddy's lap.  I probably have five pictures of him and not one is looking forward.  He could NOT take his eyes off him...he just stared at him, trying to figure it out.  Santa passed out their gift bags, so everyone was happy.  I have my house all put back together and I don't think I will have to cook for a week.  The  Montague ThanksChristmas was a HUGE sucess!  I hope evryone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 

A boxed life....

Rich and I were cleaning out a closet this past weekend.  It had boxes and boxes of old pictures and keepsakes.  None of which were sorted out very good, but everything was there.  As we looked through the old pictures of ourselves and our lives, we laughed a little and I teared up a little.  It was all there, captured in a photograph, all the moments of our lives...This is why I am so passionate about photography.  It is the only way to stop a moment in time, to preserve it for as long as someone wants to keep it around.  I found pictures of myself in a bikini, when I actually looked good in a bikini and Rich, when he had the body of a body builder.  It all came from hard work.  He never went to a health club or owned any weights.  All those muscle came from working so hard for his family.  I did work out and at one point, didn't look half bad.  As we looked at all our pictures and all our trips and all the pictures of the kids, I wondered, if when I was gone...would anyone really care.  I knew as I sorted through these pictures and boxed them up, the next time someone would be looking at these, would probably be after I was gone.  Our life, in a box....
Time has away of just marching on....and it will just keep marching on even after I am gone.  I used to think about that, I couldn't imagine life going on with out me in it, but I realize now, that I am only on this earth for a very short time and when I am gone, I am not even a blip in the overall scheme of things.  My loved ones will mourn me, at least I hope, but I want them to just go on and live their lives.  I just hope I leave enough behind that I won't be completely forgotten.  I want them to know what I thought about when I was young and want them to know that I was young once.  I wasn't always old.  Old is how you will be remembered unless you leave this earth too soon.  I blog for my grandchildren, I want them to always remember their Mimi.  I want them to remember the person I used to be, not just the person that I have become.  Growing old is almost like a deadly disease...it is slow in coming on, but it is relentless.  It robs you of your essence and leaves you trapped in a body that you scaresley recognize.  When I die, I want my life to be a celebration of who I was.  I know I have left enough funny stories behind that my eulogy will bring a few laughs.  I hope I have at least another 25 years here on this earth...I would love to hold my great grandchild someday.  So I will continue to box up my life.  I will try to leave little messages for my kids, so they will know about all the pictures and keepsakes and why I kept them.  Every person is different and my kids certainly are that.  I am very sentimental and nostalgic.  I find it very very hard to part with things.  Rich even found the key to our very first cabin on our very first cruise...it meant so much to us....I just could not get rid of it.  I know they will keep some of my things, but I know that can't keep everything.  To get rid of this stuff, would be like erasing my life.  I am not ready to do that yet.  I'm posting a few pictures, some are not real flattering, where others are.  I have always laughed at myself and I realize that every stage of my life brought me to where I am today.  I am just thankful that I still have hair after all those perms and highlights.  Rich unfortunately, didn't hold on to his hair, but he still looks sexy.  Looking back at our life...I barely remember my life before Rich, we were 17 yrs. old when we started dating.  He has been my life and I am so proud to box up my life with his.

I honestly do NOT know how I ever got Rich to wear white pants...We couldn't remember where we were even going.  We just laughed our butts off over this one.   Every one has their time...I have had mine, but my future still holds many more memories that I will continue to box up....

My painting marathon....

I always have these ideas...I always have.  Now that I am older, its harder to keep up with them.  I have been wanting to paint my guest room for quite awhile now, so when I saw this picture of a bedroom painted this beautiful green color, I couldn't get it out of my head.  I decided, that was the color I wanted.  I started looking for a new bed quilt and ended up finding the perfect thing on Amazon and everything just fell into place.  I went to Mennards to get my paint.  I brought in my accent pillow to match the green and found the perfect green...it's called "Green Giggle".  Loved the name and loved the color...I bought Dutch Boy paint because it was on sale.  I couldn't wait to get started.  I got all the taping done and decided I would get the trimming done so I could paint it on Saturday.  Well, that proved to be alot more involved than what I ever thought possible.  When I started painting it, it almost looked like I was painting with watered down paint, but I was optimistic that when it dried, it would look ok.  Wrong, clearly one coat was not going to do it.  I was doing all the trimming accept for the ceiling.  After the second coat, I thought surely that would be good...wrong...it still was streaky.  At this point, I thought it was just the brand of paint, so knowing one coat was not gonna do it and one gallon wasn't going to do it, I went back for more paint.  This time I bought the most expensive paint they had.  I started trimming up by the ceiling, which are 9 ft. ceilings.  I quickly realized it WAS NOT THE BRAND OF PAINT, it was the COLOR.  My "Green Giggle" will forever be known to me as "Sh#% Green" to me.  I bet I climbed up and down that ladder a million times.  It was clearly going to take 3 coats.  Trimming is always the most dreaded part of painting a room.  Doing it once is bad enough, but doing it three times is RIDICULOUS!!!!   I finally got it done and was ready to roll on the paint...which I got to do TWO times.  When it was done, I was completely exhausted, but so proud of what I accomplished.

   Now it was time to decorate...I knew I wanted to use all black and white pictures on the walls.  I had quite a few already, but still needed to print a few more.  I love the details of a room.  Little things that make a big difference.  I found a lampshade at Lowes that was absolutely perfect for the room.  I have discovered Pinterest and love the ideas I get from it.  I saw a picture treatment that I fell in love with.  I knew I had to do it.  I combined two ways to achieve it.  Instead of using scrapbook paper and wood or styrofoam and fabric, I combined it and used wood with fabric.  I had some old shelving boards that I wasn't using, so I took them to Lowes to have them cut into 11 inch squares.  Next, I went to Hobby Lobby to find the fabric.  I was lucky, they had little bundles of fabric squares in the black and white that I was looking for.  It was $9.99 for 5 squares.  I figured it was cheaper than buying it separately.  I decided a spray adhesive would be just the thing to adhere the fabric to the wood.  It worked beautifully.  I was going to staple it to the back of the square like you do when you cover a chair cusion, but found that the spray adhesive worked well on the back too.  It gave a more finished look.  I attached a hanger to the back when I was done and was ready to hang my creation.  I hung them over the bed, four in a row, for a really nice statement look.  It really became the vocal point of the room, since everything else was black and white pictures.  I decorated everything else in the room with things that I already had.  I just love how everything just came together.  We are hosting the Montague ThanksChristmas this year and expecting overnight guests.  I'm thinking I may have to have a lottery to see who gets to sleep in the "Sh#% Green" room.