Seriously...do I look like that?

A young friend of mine had a post today that hit home for me...he said," I'm ready to act 32 instead of 22, but now that I am 32, I look at other people that old and think...gosh they look old...do I look like that?"  I told him I knew exactly how he felt and unfortunately, it won't get any better.  Turning 60, I always thought, would never happen to me, because that was old and of course, I never thought I would get old.  I don't know what I thought...I guess I was in denial.  I still have people tell me that I don't look 60 and I certainly don't act or feel 60, but when I look in the mirror...I know the real truth.  I am slowly accepting it...like what else can you do but accept it.  I have a friend that has decided to tackle aging by exercising vigorously and saying his prayers.  I guess he's got it covered on both ends...living as long as he can and when he dies, going to heaven.  I guess I have some work ahead of me.
Many friends have turned 60 already and I look at them and think....its not so bad...they are as beautiful and sexy as ever.  So you do what you can to stay young...if that is exercise for you, then go walk to the moon, if getting more in touch with God eases the anxiety, then by all means, do that too.  What I have learned in these 60 short years I have been alive, is every person is different and deals with things the best way they know how.  I think for me...buying a new push-up bra and panties might do the trick.
   

Ode to Motherhood...

We are Mothers and we are Grandmothers, we are the ones that do what no one else will do...Without us...our  families would starve and live in filth...I think our families don't realize all that we do, because it just magically gets done and I think they assume some fairy comes in and does it.  Here are a few of the "magical things" that get done:  Changing and hanging the toilet paper, emptying waste baskets, changing the sheets on the bed, cleaning the toilets and that disgusting underneath of the toilet seat, picking up cat pukey hairballs, changing the litter boxes, picking up the doggy turds inside and out, gathering the dirty dishes left on the end tables, putting out fresh towels, cleaning the soap scum from showers and tubs, cleaning up the pukey from an all nighter with a sick kid, answering the call when a kid cries in the middle of the night, vacuuming the debri from the car, cleaning the water spots off the mirror in the bathroom, taking the moldy food out of the refrigerator, cleaning the microwave when "someone" explodes food in it, going to the grocery store and buying all their favorite foods and having a hot meal made at dinner, even though you just had the day from hell.  I'm sure there are many more magical things that we do, but these are a few that come to mind.  But now I have to lists all the perks I get from being a Mom and Mimi:  When the grands come and their faces light up when they see you, being told by a little girl that you will always be in her heart, when a certain little boy asks if you are happy and then kisses you, getting a kiss from a little boy that doesn't give out kisses that often, being told thank you Mimi without being prompted, seeing your children achieve greatness and knowing that you have made a difference in their lives.  It seems as if I have been a Mom my whole life...I scarcely remember my life before I was a wife, mother and mimi.  When I leave this world, I want to leave my footprints on my loved ones...I want them to remember me, I want to leave memories that they will always tell, but most of all...I have to show someone how to pick up cat pukey hairballs and clean the underneath of a toilet.

What I know for sure....

As I appoach my 60th year of life, I finally feel like I have learned some things and that I have resolved some of my issues....not all of them....because I have alot more life to live.  Life is always evolving...changing every day and learning new things by the screw ups that you do.  Failure comes only if you don't learn from your past mistakes.

   What I know for sure:  My life would not be worth living if I had not married a young boy named Richard Montague on Jul 1st, 1972.  We both were lost, but in each other, we found our other half and became one.

I also realize that I have been a control freak...and that I have to let go.  Its a Mom thing and also something that is fueled by my anxiety.  I am a fixer, but it is exhausting and I am trying to let go of that.

   I also have know for sure that my high heeled days are over.  We went out the other night to The Murder Mystery Cafe with friends.  I wanted to dress up, since I am in blue jeans and flip flops most of the time.  I wore my new black high heels.  There is nothing sexier than a woman that is owning her heels and walking with confidence and sex appeal.  Well, that was NOT me that night.  Rich parked the car as far away as he possibly could, so walking sexy was not on my mind.   Just trying to keep the darn things on my feet and trying to forget that the balls of my feet were cussing me out.  The next day my knees kinda hurt and I realized for sure....my high heeled days are over.  It makes me said to realize this...but I just have to learn to walk sexy in flats.

   I have also realized that friends are a very important part of my life...finding people that get you is hard...and strange as it seems...not everyone gets you. To find someone that truly laughs at the same things you do and can make you laugh when you feel like crying, is so rare....thank you Kat for coming into my life.  Old friends are to be cherished....this I know for sure.

   Knowing things is half the battle...implementing what you know, is the other half.  I wish I knew then what I know now.  I would not have laid in the sun as much.  When you get older your skin changes and old skin DOES NOT LOOK BETTER BROWN.  Maybe just a little bit of color, but the last thing you want to do is burn your skin.  I think if you did, it just might all melt away. 

   2012 is a big year for me.  I remember when I was little, thinking that 2000 would be so strange and here we are....12 years into it.  Turning 60 will NOT be easy for me....and I would have to say, of all birthdays, that one is the hardest.  Saying that you are married 40 years is quite the milestone too.  I remember when just being 40 seemed so old....now it all just seems so surreal.  I am getting to that age now, that people I know are dying...some older, but yes, some younger.  What I know for sure?  Growing old is a privledge that you are not guaranteed, so live each day as full as you can.  I know I don't have to worry about laughing...I just tune into Facebook and see what Kat has posted and I have my children and grandchildren to make me smile and be proud everyday.  Then at night, I lay beside my love and I know...my life is good and for right now...I am happy...this I know for sure.

Which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it?

Its been awhile since I have blogged...no real reason for it...just life gets busy.  I recently got to go on a little escape vacation.  While I was there, I did alot of thinking.  I was trying to get in touch with who I am now.  Since I scaresley recognize the person I see in the mirror..I decided that I must come to grips with my aging self.  Its hard to fool anybody anymore or myself...I will be 60 years old this summer.  That is a big milestone...so I am determined to be happy with who I am and just be thankful that I am 60 and healthy.  Rich asked me something when we were in AZ.  He said..."I wonder which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it".  We had a pretty good conversation about this...I think it is the desire...for the desire is the fuel to do it.  Everyday that we were out there...he walked around the subdivision.  I would have went with him, but they live in a very hilly area...and my desire to walk uphill told me to stay home and read my Hunger Games.  He still has the desire and the energy to back it up.  I never was very athletic...my passion has always been being artistic.  I love to create things, but most of all, I love photography.  I wish I would have done more professionally with my photography, but I enjoy just doing it for other people now.  I have realized that if you don't have something that defines you...you will not feel that good about yourself...you must find something that interests you...it can be reading, gardening, walking...really anything that makes you happy. 

   So today....I am happy...it feels good to not be worrying about anything.  I know something will come along that will send my anxiety soaring again, but for now...I am happy and I hope you can feel my smile.

What it takes to get out of the house with a 1 yr. old

I heard on the news this morning that the NFL Experience is closing and all merchandise is 75% off.  I really wanted to pick up some t-shirts and posters, so I decided that Nicky and I could do this.  We needed to get an early start, so I got Nicky fed and turned Mickey on so I could jump in the shower.  I got myself ready in record time and then got Nick dressed and his shoes on.  I then precede to "pack" things up.  I got some diapers and made sure I had wetnaps.  Then I filled one snack bag with graham crackers and the other one with goldfish crackers.  I got his sippy cup filled with juice and then put a yogurt cup in just in case.  I grabbed a bottle of water for me.  Now I needed hats, gloves and coats and loaded them in the car.  One last thing....I needed to get Nicky...I shut the TV off and picked him up...I felt something moist on my hand...never a good sign...I set him down to check.  Yep, poop going up his back.  I considered this a good sign because if this would have happened in the car seat or at the NFL Experience, this would have been a disaster...fortunately his blue jeans were ok, but the shirt had to be replaced.  After cleaning up the mess and redressing him...I was finally ready to get out the door and head downtown.  We made it there with no problem...I just drove down Capital until I couldn't anymore and pulled in a parking garage.  It was the Hyatt, so I wasn't sure I could park there.  I nice young man came up to me and I explained what I was doing.  He said I could park in the self-parking garage underground.  He told me where to go, so I followed his direction but when I got there, a gate was down.  I just assumed it would go up, but it didn't.  I sat there for a little while, not knowing what to do.  The nice young man came down to me and was smiling.  I say to him, " the gate won't go up" and he says, "Mam, you have to press the button to get your ticket and then it will".  I burst out laughing and so did he...I told him, "My husband worries about me...I have to die first".

Well, we found a place to park and I started to unload everything.  Got the stroller all set up with all the gear.  Then I got Nicky.  Another nice young man was watching all this.  I asked him how to get to the NFL Experience and he said, "Follow me".  Now I know what everyone was talking about, Indianapolis is truly the friendliest place and not just for the SuperBowl.  He got me out of the garage and to the elevator.  Indy is set up so convenient.  Nicky and I never stepped outside...the whole city is connected by these walkways.  With some help of some other nice people, we found the Pro-shop where all the merchandise was.  There were quite a few people in there.  So much of the merchandise was overpriced.  I saw women's t-shirts with some rhinstones on it that sold for $90 and mens sweaters that were $145.  Even at 75% off, they were still expensive.  All I wanted was some basic t-shirts.  Had to settle for t-shirts with the Giants and Patriots on them, but then, they were in the Superbowl.  They had some with just Indianapolis SuperBowl on them, but only the very large or the very small were left.  Got Rich a hat and picked up some posters too.  While I was shopping, little Nick was so good.  At one point, he slid out of the stroller..he was hanging half in and half out...his head was stuck.  I started laughing because I couldn't get him to slide the rest of the way out and I couldn't pull him back up either...some nice man came and helped me.  He held the stroller and I pulled Nick out.  He didn't cry, but it was probably because I was laughing so hard.  I decided it was time for me to get out of here, so I stood in line to check out.  Even though I had some things go wrong....all in all, I got there no problem and made it back home.  I need to do this more.  I am so used to other people taking care of me and doing for me.  I am so directionally challenged...always have been and the older I get the worse it gets.  Age robs you of lots of things, but I will keep getting out there and doing it. 

It's not always easy....

I haven't blogged in awhile, but things have been really busy...life has a way of setting the pace.  You just have to hang on sometimes and pray for quieter times.  I read a blog that someone wrote about how it annoyed them when little old ladies would come up to her and say, "Enjoy these times, they go so fast".  Maybe they go fast because they aren't always that enjoyable.  I am one of those little old ladies and I can tell you right now, time does go fast, especially after 50.  I remember all to well my days as a young Mom and it wasn't all fun and Hallmark moments.  There was times when you just didn't think you could do it all.  I marvel at all the young Moms that work and go to school and have children.  I have two very spectacular daughters that do just that.  My daughter Regan's little boy Nickolas, has been very challenging.  Sleepless nights are the norm.  I am babysitting my grandchildren, so I know the challenges young children can be.  As much as I enjoy it, cleaning poop around testicles won't be missed and wiping snotty noses and constant drool won't be missed either.  What I will miss are those sweet little smiles and when they say, "I love you Mimi".  I love all the first things in their lives and the joy on my children's faces as they watch their children achieve.  I have learned through the years that you can't do it all and you can't judge yourself by what other people do.  It only makes you doubt yourself...and I swear, kids can sense fear and you have to be strong.  The most important thing is, when you come across those moments of utter joy, stop and breathe it in.  Record it in your mind and try to keep that memory in.  One day, you may find yourself forgetting all the sleepless nights, poopy diapers and runny noses and tell some young mom, " Enjoy these times, they go so fast."  Time is what it is...it is made up of moments...some very wonderful ones and some that you just try to get through hoping for easier times.  Don't get me wrong..I consider being a Mom and Mimi my greatest accomplishments, but I also know that all the moments have been like a quilt...each patch a different stage of life.  Some patches are prettier than otheres, but when they are all quilted together, they keep you warm and give you great comfort.

A Very Montague ThanksChristmas

ThanksChristmas 2011 was held at our house this year...I prepared for it for a month...I love to do this kind of thing.  I wanted to make it one everyone would remember.  After my turkey mishap...I was wondering if everything would be ok, but it worked out perfectly.  I had enough food to feed another 40 people.  I came from such a small family, so when I married Richard, I became a Montague and part of something bigger than all of us.
    Every family has their trials and tribulations and the Montague's aren't immune to it, but the commraderie of the siblings is what got them through it.  Rich brought out his Dad's purple heart and metals that we framed for him one year...I guess he wanted Dad to be here too. 
   Our Steal a Gift Exchange was a big success...some gifts were better than others...but the can of Fart Exstinguisher got a big laugh and besides....who couldn't use a can every once in awhile...Jelly got it and was a good sport.  But the funniest was Regan's hooker shoes...Donna got them first, but Justin stole them for Lisa...Lisa couldn't be here with us, so I would love to see her face when she opens the box.
   I had sit down for 40 people, so everyone had a place to eat the delicious food that we had.  I always think I have to make twice as much food, but you don't really when there is so much to choose from.  I will be eating turkey noodle soup for quite awhile.
   Santa made a visit and the children loved it.  Joe played Santa this year and came up the back porch.  All the kids gathered around him.  Karaline says, "hey I know you" and was quickly shooshed.  The best part was when Nickolas sat on Santa/Daddy's lap.  I probably have five pictures of him and not one is looking forward.  He could NOT take his eyes off him...he just stared at him, trying to figure it out.  Santa passed out their gift bags, so everyone was happy.  I have my house all put back together and I don't think I will have to cook for a week.  The  Montague ThanksChristmas was a HUGE sucess!  I hope evryone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.