Who will love my treasures...

Its been such a long time since I have blogged.   I decided I better write down my thoughts before I can't remember them.   We have been cleaning out closets lately and I realize now as I am in the fall of my life, that all the "stuff" that I have accumulated, only mean something to me.   I totally understand that....when my parents died, my sister and I divided up their things.   Most things, neither one of us wanted.   I have collected a few things, but thankfully, not that much.   I have never been a lover of jewelry or designer bags and shoes.   My main thing has always been my pictures.  I hope when I leave this earth, that I am remembered for my pictures.  I am that crazy picture lady when my kids were in school.  I tried to document everything that they did.   Back then it was all film, so it was so much harder than it is today.   I have so much video but it is all on those little cassettes, so they have to be coverted to a disc to view.   I will leave that to them to do someday. 
    I have realized that I just don't care about things.  I care about feelings and the memories those feelings make.   My best friend just recently died.   I had a hat made for her because I didn't know what else that she could use.  When she passed on, she wanted me to have it....Now I have it to be passed on when I die.   I'm glad I spent time with her, that was probably the best gift....those memories, she got to take with her.   So when you think about getting your parents something for Christmas, think about giving yourself to them.   Make time to spend with them and make that time stress free and fun.   Those are the memories they will appreciate the most because those they will take with them and you will keep them with you too.
   I know alot of people at my age are dealing with the loss of their parents....I lost mine when I was 34 yrs old.   I hardly remember what it was like to have parents....I do, but its been so long.   Going thru their treasures and selling or just taking to Goodwill is what so many people have to do.   We would like to sell our home and move to something a little smaller and easier to care for.   If we do sell and move, we will be going thru the treasures.   I hope my kids want to keep some of them to pass down to the Grands.   I am hoping my footprints are deep and the memories stay for them....my pictures are my heart.

Living in Moderation....

Moderation....isn't that they key to happiness?  We can eat food that is bad for us....if we do it in moderation.   We can splurge on new clothes....if they are on sale and in moderation.  We can speed when the conditions are right....and in moderation.   Drinking a glass or two of wine....all fine if we do it in moderation.   Yep...moderation works.   I have found when you hit 60....you are forced into moderation whether you want to or not.   I have accepted that I am not like I used to be, but these moderations....OMG....I can't believe I'm doing them.   I recently had to add a chair to my bathroom.   I was putting on my pants the other day....like most people....balancing on one leg at a time to put them on.   I lost my balance and twisted my foot.   Any little thing that you hurt now is a big thing....let me tell you....it hobbled me.   I have been icing it for days.   The only upside is that it hurts so bad that I don't feel my bunions or my Morton's Neuroma on my other foot.   So from now on....I sit down to put my pants on.  Life certainly is more enjoyable if we would all slow down.  There is very little about growing older that is enjoyable, but the fact that I am not so driven and that I just want to enjoy things more, has helped me to accept this thing called being a Senior Citizen.
    I have a very dear friend that is facing a tough battle with cancer.   She has made me realize that growing old is a privilege.   We are all just rolling the dice everyday.   Cancer can strike without warning....you can be doing all the right things, but it doesn't care and it does not know what moderation is.....it attacks.   We all must listen to our bodies, that is the only weapon we have.  We need to never lose our faith and we must face it .....I have learned so much from these friends.   I am not very strong, but I know now that you find an inner strength you never knew you had.   I love these ladies so much and to say I admire them is just not enough.   We all must live in moderation, but when you can.....run like the gate has been left open.
   

Living with half a heart...

So much has happened to me since last I blogged....I think if I talked about everything, I'd have a novel.  I never thought I would ever have to be without my kids....just always thought they would be here and that I would be there for them too.   But things change...that roller coaster of life is picking up steam.   My daughter Regan and her family moved to California in June.  When they left to get on that plane, I felt like my heart was breaking.   I have to be honest...I did not take this very well....I was happy for their opportunity, but so sad for what we would all lose.   The commraderie of family.   I felt myself slipping into a depression when I first found out....I just could not stop crying....but time helps everything get better.   I flew out to see them last month.  I had never flown by myself before, so this was pretty scary for me, but I did it.   It helped that Rich put me on a non stop flight....not sure if going out there helped my anxiety but it was good to see their new home and their surroundings.   It is definitely NOT Indiana.  I believe this with all my heart....no PLACE can make you happy....and home is where your heart is.   If your family is there with you, then you will bloom where ever you are planted.   Regan is like her Dad....she will make it.

   My blog has usually been about the pitfalls of growing older...I like to look at life with a sense of humor, because if I don't, I might cry, but mainly because my bunions are killing me.   Sagging skin, age spots and learning to shop differently.   Now I don't look for the most stylish thing, I look for things that cover but still look stylish...I am going to a wedding in October and needed a dress.   Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a dress with sleeves, that hides a belly and is not too short, but still looks stylish and maybe is a little bit sexy?   Well I found one....and it was on the clearance rack.....probably because not too many older ladies are looking for a dress right now.   Boo yah....I felt like hit the jack pot....it's the little victories that keep you  going....I even found a pair of heels that fit.  Let's just say I will wear them to the wedding, but will have other shoes to put on.   

Reflecting...

Its been 6 months since I last blogged....so I thought I would write some thoughts down.   So much has happened the last six months.   We lost our beloved sister Karen in January....such a big huge loss.   We knew she had a fatal disease, but I think we all thought that Karen would beat this....she was so optimistic about it, but when the time came, it took her so quickly.  Being with someone as they take their last breath is an experience you will never forget....I have been with three people that I love now as they passed and in the end....all that matters is the love.
   Recently, I became terribly ill with a rather mysterious illness....it really bothers me that something like this could happen to me and I live in fear now that it could happen again.   They think I contracted this bacteria from shaving my legs....so sorry Rich....there will be no landscaping anymore.....I bought an electric shaver, so that will have to be good enough.  My bikini days are over.  Being this sick makes you realize that you are vulnerable.   I think alot of us think we are invincible...I know when you are young....you think you will never get old....I was so guilty of this.   But there comes that certain age, when things just change....for me...it just seemed like it happened so quickly.   One minute I was this energetic, young woman and the next....I was fighting the menopause pounds that come.   Your desire, your energy and your skin changes....but you fight through that and keep your young thoughts about you.   I have alot more life to live.....
   Today, we leave for Paris and a trip of a lifetime.   This is Rich's dream....its not necessarily mine....but I am excited to see all these places.   We knew now was the time to do this....it will be a very exhausting trip....sightseeing is work, but it is so exciting.   We are going with our friends Ken and Peggy Norus....so there is safety in numbers and we always have so much fun with them.  So I have all my comfortable walking shoes, no high heels this trip.
   I have never been away from my family this long before, so it will be a challenge for all of us.   I love them so much and I know they depend alot on Rich and I.   This will be good for them....and for us.   Rich needs this break from work....it is so demanding.   I have always been a caregiver, so it will seems strange to have somebody taking care of me.....but I think I will get used to it.

I hope I purr....

We just said our good-bye to our beautiful big Max....It was such a hard thing to do.  Max was there with us purring and wanting to be petted.   I wish he looked more sickly and appeared to be suffering more....it would have been so much easier.   We spoke with Dr  Carter extensively and asked every question we could think of.   We asked what it would be like in the end for Max if we just let it go.   He said it would be a very painful slow death.   Max was already sending out the signs that it was nearing the end.   He retreated to the bathtub where he found comfort and solitude and started doing some very bizaare things that just was not like him....like eating cat litter.   He had pretty much stopped eating and drinking and all he did was just lay in the bathtub...he didn't even want me to hold him for very long.   Not much of a life and watching him go through this was not easy on me either.   Rich and I decided together that ending his life before the decline begins and the end happens would be the kindest thing for him.   Dr. Carter gave Max the shot....and I wrapped my arms around him and just hugged him closely....he just laid there in my arms and purred....I told him the story about how I heard about Ragdolls in Oprah's Favorite things.   Then I researched it and wanted a Ragdoll even more.   Then the next Sunday in the paper, I just happened to see an ad in the paper for Ragdoll kitties for sale.  I called her and she still had the kitties.  She was a vet and had been a breeder of Ragdolls for 17 yrs.   I went all by myself to get Max....it was north of Lafayette.  I remember going into her office and seeing the four little kitties, but Max was the biggest one and clearly....he was the one for me.  I was so proud and so excited about my little Ragdoll kitten.   Max was my grandbaby so to speak....we all loved him so much....later that year, I was blessed with Karaline.   Oh how Max loved the babies....he would lay with Regan while she nursed Karaline.   Max would lay with Karaline and watch over her, just like a dog.   He was the most loving and wonderful cat and we will miss him so much.  As I laid with him and my tears made his face wet, I know that he knew he was loved and I knew I made him comfortable in my arms.  I hope that is the way I get to go someday....purring and being in the arms of the person I love the most.

Trying not to be too gross....

I remember when I was younger and I saw older people, I used to think....ewww....but now that I am getting older...I view it totally different.  My aim is to do it gracefully and to not be that gross.  We were with our best friends last night...just sitting out on their porch talking and having a good time.   All of a sudden we all heard something...could have been thunder, but our friend looked at her husband and just shook her head...."seriously...did you have to do that?"  We all just laughed...what's wrong with breaking wind with friends....LOL   I remember going to Beef and Boards with Regan and Karaline...we had a great time, but its  about two hours and as we were walking to the car....I tooted...Karaline goes.."Mimi..." and Regan starts laughing and then I start laughing and the toots came all the more. We eventually made it to the car and I am pretty sure there were some people that probably heard me, but there was just nothing that I could do...but I am pretty sure we made a memory that day.
   I find myself making noises when I do almost anything...not real sure why that happens.  When you are sitting on the floor and then you try to get up....it is almost impossible to not make a grunting noise.  I am trying to stop that, but for some reason it is just an automatic.  I am trying to moisturize more....I think moisturized old skin looks better and my finger nails have decided to split and get ridges, so just cutting them as short as I can just frees up worrying about them anymore and they look better.  I have found some shoes that make my feet feel better, so I am not in pain anymore with my bunion....so thank goodness for that.  My nightly ritual of plucking is always a highlight of my day....NOT.  One of my biggest fears is that someday I will be too old and I can't do it anymore.  I need to start training Karaline now...oh yes, how she will love this.  I love my little blue pill and no, its not Viagara...it is Neoproxene...one of those really helps the aches and pains.
   All in all, I think I am keeping the grossness at a minimal for now....but it is something I am definitely aware of.  I am determined to not be gross....but to be beautifully ageless....yeah right....just when you least expect it...something will snap you back to reality....it is just a fact of life...besides...if you can't laugh at yourself you might cry...so I choose laughing and loving.

That complete feeling of happiness...

A friend of mine just said to me....You haven't blogged for awhile, I'm sure you have alot to say since Leah is born.  I have been so busy since our sweet baby has been born, but she is right, I do have some wonderful thoughts and feelings.
   Our baby decided to come into this world rather unexpectedly.  I got a call from Seth in the afternoon on June 10th....he said, Amber is going to the hospital...her contractions are about 6 minutes apart.  I was in the middle of a photo shoot, but I knew I had time to finish, which I did.  I then rushed to the hospital.  When I got there, Amber was having some very hard contractions and was asking for the shot.   It is just so common now to get the shot and why wouldn't you, the relief is instant.  I remember suffering through the whole ordeal on my own, but that is just the way it was back then.  We finally got in to see Amber and she looked great, we all waited in there with her from that point on.  Time just doesn't mean a whole lot when you are in the hospital and you are waiting.  Things seemed to be going ok, but they were a little concerned with the baby's heart beat....it would have what they called d-cells, which mean the baby was in distress when she would have a contraction.   The Dr. said a few of these were normal, so we weren't too concerned...after midnight, her Dr. got a little bit more concerned with the baby's heart rate and by 2:00 am....he came and and said he didn't like what was going on and he just felt like he needed to get that baby out now.   Amber's big eyes got even bigger and filled with tears....Seth looked like Rich and I....pretty shocked and not sure what was happening.  He moved very quickly from that point on.  We all gave Amber a big hug and kiss and watched them roll her out of the room...Seth put on his surgery garb and left to be with Amber.   I was just so nervous, I paced outside the surgery doors....I finally asked one of the nurses to please go in and see what was going on.   She came back to me and said...I hear a baby crying.   She didn't know anything else, but she said she was pretty sure the baby was fine.   Seth texted us that there was a problem with Amber and that we weren't in the the clear yet.  It seemed like we waited forever, but eventually they came back into the room.  Leah was stuck in the vaginal canal and had to be ripped out of Amber.   The Dr. had to tear her uterus and cervix to get Leah out.  She lost quite a bit of blood, but they were able to stop it and she was ok.  Seth said it was the scariest thing he has ever lived through and he knew things got really serious once the baby was out.   All he could think was....Please God, don't take her from me, I don't want to do this alone.  Our story has a happy ending...Amber and baby are just fine.  I remember the first time I laid eyes on her....I just couldn't believe how beautiful she was.   For a newborn baby....she was just perfection.  I just felt this complete feeling of happiness.  It was the most awesome feeling.  A person's life is always remembered by moments.  I remember each one of the moments of each one of the grandkids...each moment is etched in my memory.  I witnessed the birth of Karaline and Nickolas and I would have witnessed Leah's birth, but things didn't work out that way...I remember when Sean was born, waiting in the waiting room with Amber's parents...and then seeing Seth come walking down the hallway with the biggest smile on his face.   We didn't know what sex they were having, so when he came out and said a boy and he was 8 lb 7 oz....we were all so surprised and happy.  I am so happy that Amber's Mom was there for Sean....such a blessing for Amber and her.
   I am still basking in the glow of happiness....it hasn't worn off yet...everytime I see her, that feeling comes back.  Amber is such a good Mother, so I know for now, she is doing great.  I help when I am needed.  I will be baby sitting for Leah when she goes back to work in September.  I had to take Sean today to swimming lessons.  I didn't quite know where I was going, but I found it.  Amber had given me the Y-card to get in, but I forgot it in the car....so I had to turn around and go back to the car to get it.  We were running late so I attempted to run.  I guess I haven't ran in awhile because the experience kind of set me back a little. I remember what it was like to run.....and this WAS NOT HOW IT SHOULD FEEL.  My leg just felt so heavy and I certainly was NOT MOVING like I used to.   Sean and I made it to the lesson....a little bit late, but he got his lesson in.  I am not that old, but I just realize more and more, that what once was....is no more.   A different kind of outlook on life takes over which is rather liberating.  You worry less about things that you have no control over...and think about your happiness more.  I have four beautiful grandchildren and I love my kids and their spouses with all my heart.  The man I fell in love with in high school, is still the love of my life and my best friend.  We have made a family that we can be proud of.  Do we have a perfect life....heck no...we have problems just like everyone else, but when you have a good core foundation in your family and you know what is important...you know the problems will have solutions and everything will be alright because you will get through it....together.

So this is 60....

   Its been way too long since I wrote in my blog.  Turning 60 is one of the BIG birthdays in your life.  Its big for lots of reasons.  Its a big number....but it also reaffirms that you are really getting old.  For all you out there that are young and think that you will never get old....I am just here to tell you, that I was you, not that long ago.  For such a very long time...you just don't seem to age.  I remember my 20's as being so hard.  We were having babies and building houses.  I hardly remember them, but I LOVED my 30's.  They were the BEST.  Every year, from here on out, just got better.  Sure there were ups and downs....but physically, things just got better.  Being 40 never bothered me....it was no different than turning 30.  I didn't feel any different and I didn't look any different.  At this point I am thinking....this aging thing isn't so bad.  When I turned 50, it took me by surprise, because again....I didn't feel any different or really look any different.  Age in your middle years, doesn't seem to matter, but now that I am 60, I finally feel my age and look my age. My brick wall hit me at 55....its called menopause.  Every year since then....I have seen a difference.  For so long, you just seem to always be the same, but once you reach 60, you see yourself age.  Things that didn't hurt before, suddenly hurt.  We were all laughing about the commercials for Depends....Rich says alot of football players are doing commecials for them.  Seriously...if you need Depends, you aren't gonna care that much how they look, only THAT THEY WORK.  Someone I know said there is no excuse for not exercising and eating right and JUST DOING IT.  Well, when I was in my 40's...I said the same thing.  I eat better than I ever have, but exercising, is a personal thing to each person.   No one knows the pain and the energy level of that person and until you walk in their shoes....you just can't pass judgement.  I have a really good friend who is in his 60's and he has really been exercising alot, so much in fact that he has hurt his knee.  Strenuous exercise is good, but when you push yourself too far, your body will let you know and you will have to pay for it for a long time.   You just don't bounce back like you use to.  It really sucks, but I think the whole aging process is just that....a PROCESS by which you are made to accept the fact that you are getting old.  My body maybe be aging, but my brain still remains young.  I am finding more comfort in the little things of life.  A good healthy meal and sitting outside or in our hot tub.  Traveling is still important to me...but I know that at some point...it will just be too hard, so we will do alot of traveling the next 10 yrs.  I find that my family and my home are what bring me the most joy.  I'm looking forward to Rich retiring....I never thought I would say those words...and I am not sure what it will look like.  Rich has always been such a worker and so successful...I am sure he will find something else to do, but I don't think he will ever be able to leave it totally.  I just hope he can find a good balance and he can actually enjoy his retirement that he has earned.  I just want to be the BEST that I can be and do what I can to retain what I have and slow the process down.  I want to be around to hold my great grandchildren someday.  So I will laugh at myself more often,do the things that I have been wanting to do and  tell those I love that I love them more.  I will keep taking pictures and writing in my blog.  These are the things that will live on after I am gone.

Please shoot me if you see me at Meijers dressed like this...

Getting ready for a grocery run kinda looks like this....Feeding both boys breakfast and if I have leftover pancakes from the day before, it goes alot quicker...While they are eating, I have about 15 minutes of Facebook time, so I'm catching the news and catching up with FB world.  Now I get their clothes laid out and the fun begins...Nick wants to go the opposite way of me, so I have to go catch him.  He needs his diaper changed and not too lucky this morning....there is a load waiting for me.  But I always look on the bright side...could have happened at the store, better now than later.  Ok, now I need to get Sean dressed....no surprises with Sean....he's easy to dress.  Well, the boys are ready, so now I go work on me...No time for a shower, so how I am is just going to have to do.  I remember a time, not that long ago, that I would put blush and lip gloss on, just to go to the mail box.  A shopping trip involved freshly washed hair, makeup and a cute outfit with a cute pair of boots and coat...but now I look in the mirror, wash my face and I'm more concerned if I plucked good last night.  I do put some lotion on my face....a little blush and lip gloss and call it good to go.  I have my favorite micro fiber jammie pants on that I bought on Black Friday.  I really don't want to take them off, but I do and I grab my favorite jeans.  I also bought these awsome moccasin shoe/slipper  things that I am finding myself wearing all the time...I call them shoes because they have a rubber sole, but they have shearling inside and all around the outside, so who am I kidding, they are house slippers.  I have been wearing these out of the house shopping lately, telling myself that people wear Ugg boots, so why can't I wear these.  They are so comfortable, so comfort trumps style at 60.  Well, we made it to Meijers and with one boy on each hand, we go in...I put Nicky in the seat and Sean goes in the cart...I may not go to LA Fitness, but I am lifting weights daily.  Both boys are good, but Mimi doesn't leave the house without sippy cups full of apple juice and a bag of munchies.  Didn't need a whole lot today so we are making our way to checkout when I spot my future...there she was....she had on my micro fiber jammies and house slippers on.  I just gasped and a cold chill ran through me...that could have been me accept for the  jeans.  I almost went out of the house like that.  I swore to myself....I would never NOT care that much.  I didn't even see any kids with her, so she really had no excuse...I at least had a two year old and a three year old.  I also decided my shoe/slippers were really slippers and I won't wear them out and about anymore.  Maybe I will go out and look for a pair that is that comfortable that don't look like house slippers so much.
Who knows what her story really is, she might have been sick and just went out for medicine....so I guess I shouldn't judge, but seriously, if anyone sees me in micro fiber jammies and house slippers, please take me home...I'm confused and probably senile and need some help.

Leaving footprints...

It has been so long since last I blogged.  I have so many more thoughts going through me right now.   Losing Aleta so suddenly, has made us all face our mortality.  She was only 6 yrs. older than me.  Her sisters went through her pictures for her funeral and after the funeral, I got a little bag of pictures that were hers and a box of unused Greeting cards that she never got around to sending.   It made me think about what I wanted to leave.  Everyone knows there will be pictures....lots and lots of pictures...probably not that many of me, but lots of pictures of everyone else.  You leave this world with exactly what you come into this world with....nothing, but when you leave, you leave your shell and your soul will soar.  All our life we accumulate things.  I used to collect bears and little houses, but thank goodness I quit that.  The only thing I have been passionate about my whole life is my photography.  I have been doing it for 50 yrs. now. .I am getting so much enjoyment and satisfaction lately, with the revival of my photography business.  It just makes me so happy to capture those pictures for people, that mean so much to them.  Long after I am gone, my pictures will remain and bring joy to someone.  The one thing that you can leave behind that would bring comfort to your loved ones, is your words.  When my Mom died, she gave me two cards, one for Regan who was 10 and one for Seth who was 7.  They were to be given to them on their graduation day.  I waited 8 yrs. to give Regan her card and was so excited to see what Mom wrote, but Mom wasn't a writer like me, all she wrote was...I love you and I am so proud of you...Mom Mom.  Even those few words filled me with such joy.  This is why I started my blog, it was just a way for me to write down all my stories and thoughts and feelings.   Someday, I will have them made into a book and my grandchildren and great grandchildren will be able to know me once more.  Things are just that...things.  They mean something only to you for the moment that you buy them.  Most things just collect dust and become clutter.  I will not be buying anymore things from now on, only things for those that I love.  Oh I will still buy clothes occassionally, but even they don't bring me joy like they used to.  I am reading the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.  I wouldn't say I am the most religious person in the world, but I am trying.  I feel this need to understand God and find out some answers to my questions.  I read the first chapter last night and it starts out saying the average life is 25,550 days...I did the math on me...and I am at 21,900...I certainly hope I have more days than this, but a guarantee is not given to anyone, not even the young.
   A very close friend of mine wrote this poem when Aleta died...I want it read at my party when I die.

                     And if I go, while you are still here,
                 know that I live on vibrating to a different measure
                 behind a veil you cannot see through.
                     You will not see me, so must have faith.
                 I will wait for the time when we all can soar together again,
                 all of us aware of each other.  Until then,
                      live your life to its fullest and when you need me,
                 just whisper my name in your heart....I will be there.

Its funny how I remember so vividly how I felt when I was younger....because this being older just kinda crept up me when I wasn't looking.  I am still trying to accept it and get used to it, but its kinda like going incognito...older people become invisible sometimes.  I miss the head turns and my size 6 butt.  I miss dressing up for grand soirees and cruise ship formal nights.  I am just grateful that I had these times and I did appreciate them when they were happening.  God has a pretty good plan....life has an expiration date, but when you are young, you don't fully comprehend it.  Growing old is a gradual thing and if you are lucky, and you get to grow old, by the end, just like a much loved toy....it eventually wears out and you know its time to let go.  I'm not saying I'm ready to let go...I just hope I have been like a much loved toy....play with me and love me, but when its time...let me go...just whisper my name in your heart....and I will be there.  I will be leaving my footprints wherever I can...I guess my biggest fear is, that tomorrow will come and no one will remember that I am not here.

Just another day....NOT!!!!

Well, its been a little while since I blogged.  I have all three kids sleeping at the same time, so I thought I would write about the day I have had....

   Regan called me this morning and told me that Karaline was so sick.  She was crying out that her ear hurt so bad and she had a fever, so she couldn't send her to school.  I needed to call first thing to get her into the Dr.  I did and we got an appointment for 10:30.  I managed to get all three kids breakfast and dressed and I even jumped into the shower and got myself ready.  I loaded up a few things in my arsenal of things to get us through this Dr.'s appt.  We get there and the fun began...the Dr.'s office has one main waiting room for all the Dr.s so it is a big massive area.  Perfect for running...and running they did...If I wasn't yelling at one to stop it, I was yelling at the other...Nick bumped his head at one point and then proceeded to melt down.  I hit my arsenal bag...a cookie made the screaming stop.  Fortunately, there weren't many people in the waiting room...but the receptionists in the other offices, just kinda gave me sympathy looks.  Nick saw a vendor guy and went over to check things out....he had been looking at the boys running around...I went to get him and he says to me, "looks like you have your hands full"  I said, " you have no idea...pray for me".  We finally get called back into the Dr.  I herd everyone along and I tell the nurse..."just close the door, how bad can this be?"  she laughed...yeah...I'm serious..  Well, what seemed like forever, the Dr. finally came in...the boys were really winding down at this point.  She looked at Karaline and listened to her chest...she didn't like what she heard and ordered a breathing treatment...OK....now what...this was painless for Karaline, but it did take about 10 minutes to do....so as a last resort, I dug out my final thing left in my arsenal...dumdum suckers...sticky yes, messy yes, but it got us through that test.  The nurse came in to check on us...She said, "I wondered why it got so quiet...now I understand"  I told her, " I'm in desperation mode right now".  The fun isn't over yet, because now I have to go to Meijers and get the prescriptions filled, so off we go.  Karaline is pretty quiet, so she is no trouble...You can tell she doesn't feel good.  I load them into one of those carts with a seat...but of course...I pick the one with a bad wheel...so it pushes so hard.  I can only imagine how pathetic I looked.  We go directly to the pharmacy...fortunately the wait wasn't too long, so we got going as fast as we could..  I noticed as were walking to the door, it looked so dark outside.  Well, by the time I made it outside, the sky just opened up.  It could not be raining any harder...Crap....now what.  I just couldn't take the kids out in the downpour, but I needed to get them home.  A nice man saw my plight and said just leave the kids here and go get your car...I'll wait with them...what a blessing, so I ran as fast as I could, but still got totally drenched.  Just par for the course today.  We made it home...got them all fed lunch.  Gave Karaline her medicine and then she wanted to lay down to take a nap.  I put Nicky down for his nap and he went right to sleep.  Then we were down to Sean...I let him watch one Dora and then I put him to bed.  He went right to sleep.  Its 2:00 and all three kids are asleep and I am feeling pretty good about myself...Not all 60 yr. old Mimi's could have pulled that off.  Let's hear it for the old girl...she's still got it!!!!

60 is Sexy...

Today I begin to enjoy my last week of being in my 50's.  I am trying to decide what to do.  Should I wear a tube top one more time or maybe wear some hip-huggers?  I have thought about a tatoo or maybe re-pierce my ears again.  I used to love to dress up...maybe I'll wear one of my cocktail dresses and heels and go out to lunch.  I just realized, that I am becoming a senior once again...I remember being a senior in high school.  Doesn't seem like that long ago.  I went to a concert the other night.  They played all the current songs that you hear on the radio, but they also played music from when I was a teenager.  It was awsome to see the young people singing along.  It made me feel young again and I hope it makes the young people realize that us old farts, aren't so old after all.  I keep telling myself....age is just a number, attitude is what counts.  I don't feel like I am 60, but then what should 60 feel like?  I remember when I turned 50, I thought that was so old.  I can remember saying these words, "50 is nifty, but 60 will suck".  I've decided to say, "60 is sexy." Now that I have rediscovered my "inner goddess", maybe I can pull it off.  I honestly never thought I would get old...isn't that ridiculous?  I just always thought I would be the way I always was.  I have been one way for at least 30 yrs. now, so I guess I better get used to being the way I am now.  I am grateful that I am healthy and I am thankful that I am celebrating my 60th.  Growing old is not guaranteed....it is a privledge.  If you look at it like that, maybe I will wear my tube top and hip huggers and sing a little Three Dog Night.

The awakening of my "inner goddess"...

   We made it back home and what a great homecoming it was.  We waited for our bags, which surprisingly appeared after three plane changes and 12 hrs.  We go out by the curb to wait for Regan and the kids.  All of a sudden we hear PA...MIMI!!!!  and our little Karaline is running as fast as she can into our arms...Sean is following right behind her.  It almost felt like slow motion for a little bit.  I started crying and Karaline says, "Mimi, why are you crying?" and I say, "because I'm so happy and I missed you" and she says, "Me too".  

   I left my home and Indiana two weeks ago...pretty burned out.  I tried not to build the trip up in my mind too much, because so often when you do, it fails to live up to your expectations.  This trip was different in so many ways.  Usually, Rich and I get on each other's nerves after awhile and the time just seems to fly by.  This vacation was so different.  The time just seemed to stand still for us.  We laughed more than we ever had and just enjoyed being together.  Rich really seemed to relax, which is hard for him.  He was on his phone for a bit each day, checking in with his e-mails and Seth, but basically, he let all his stress go and he enjoyed himself so much.  I came back with the best tan of my life and my friend Shelby will approve I think.  I just did it a little bit at a time.  I never at any time got even the least bit pink.  There is just something about the Hawaiian sun.  Oh you can get burned...I saw many people that were.  You can lay out in the sun and never sweat...and every little bit, you feel this mist.  You look up in the sky and wonder where it is coming from, because it is all blue skies and sunshine and then you see a beautiful rainbow.  How can this place not be heaven on earth.

   For those of you who have read 50 Shades of Grey, you know what I mean by "inner goddess".  Now, I hope I don't gross out any of you young people who might be reading this, especially my kids.  But, contrary to what you might think....older people do have sex too.  My "inner goddess" has been comatose for awhile. It felt good to wake her up again and rediscover what it feels like to be young and in love again.  50 Shades of Grey was a bit over the top and I still prefer "vanilla", and those of you who have read the book, know what I mean.  I only got to read the first book, so maybe I can keep my "inner goddess" going for awhile longer yet, as I keep reading the books.  Rich got through all three of the Hunger Game books.  He really enjoyed that...do I dare turn him onto 50 Shades?  I think not, I can only handle one of us with an inner goddess....LOL

   I went to bed last night at about 8:00pm , but I was up at about 3:30 am.  I think it is gonna take awhile to get my inner clock reset.  I feel really rested right now, so I thought it would be a good time to blog.  Lots of unpacking and laundry.  Rich and I both said that we took way too many clothes this time.  I took several dresses and two pair of high heels...never wore any of that.  We were in our bathing suits alot and just our casual clothes.  Comfort is the most important thing.  

   While we were gone, we had time to discuss lots of things...we have decided that we will take each one of our grandkids on a cruise when they turn 7 yrs. old.  That means Karaline will be going on a cruise this year with us.  We want to do something special with each child so they will always remember it.  We think 7 is a good age.  They will be old enough to remember it and young enough to want to spend the time with Mimi and Pa.  Plus we will still be young enough to enjoy it with them.  Pa wants to take them snorkeling.  We will go somewhere in the Carribean because the plane trip to Maui, is just too long for a little kid.

   So, I feel like a new woman, ready to tackle the rest of the year.  My Regan is a teacher, so this fall, I will have Nicky full time.  I told Regan that Nick will think he is in boot camp.  He is so dependent on his Momma.  This will be good for both of them.  Life is like a box of chocolates...you just never know what you are gonna get.  I got to sample quite a few this trip and I hope I still have a few more to sample.  ALOHA AND MAHOLO  everyone, for taking the time to read my blog.  I love you all.

Today we leave Maui and I know a little bit of of my heart will stay here.  We met lots of people that come here every year, but we both said, we wouldn't want to do that.  The magic we felt the first couple days was something that we will never experience again.  It will always be beautiful, but all the magic that happened this time, will never happen again.  Seeing that sunrise on top of Haleakala was amazing, but seeing it a second time would probably not be something I would even want to do.  We said we would come back on our 45th Anniversary.  By then, we will need a little magic again.
   Rich and I both said it was fun acting like we were young and in love again.  We friended a young couple here at Kahanna Falls who are on their Honeymoon.  I took some pictures of them with their camera.  They couldn't believe that we were married 40 yrs.  I told them, it seems like just yesterday that we were young like they are now.  It goes by so quickly.  Rich and I have recharged our tanks and we're ready to embrace our lives again.  Routine is comforting, like a favorite old chair, but every once in awhile...you have to get out of your comfort zone and experience new things.  I tried snorkling...I really thought I could do it, but I was so terrified.  I was pathetic.  There was this big ole Texan guy named Mike and he was bound and determined to get me out there.  There was another older lady on the boat too, but I would say she was at least 10-15 yrs. older, so poor Mike, he was stuck with Becki and Sue.  Sue told me she had heart disease and couldn't use the snorkle.  I tried the snorkle mask, but wasn't talented enough to breath thru the snorkle. I did see some fish and the beautiful coral..It reminded me of a 3-D movie.  It was hilarious...I had three noodle things to keep me a float and was holding on to Mike for dear life.  I kept saying Oh God, Oh God and Sue was riding his back, it was the funniest thing I had ever seen.  We were two pathetic women, but Mike just kept trying to get us as comfortable with the water as he could, but I just could not overcome my fear.  I am usually not one to give up, but I was also sea sick, so I just wanted out of the water.  Rich had a GREAT time and I was so happy for that.  Rich is just such a thrill seeker, I used to be able to keep up with him, but not anymore.  I will just take pictures of him...LOL
   I am really looking forward to seeing Regan and the kids at the airport.  I know Karaline will come running into our arms with lots of kisses.  It will be wonderful to see Sean and Amber and Seth too.  We did manage to do Facetime with Amber on her phone, so we got to see Sean.  Technology is a wonderful thing.
   I'm glad our plane leaves at 9:00 at night...hopefully, we will sleep most of the way and maybe beat the jet lag.
   Kat said I need to snap out of it because I am coming back to the dry tundra.  I will always remember the misty showers that would happen several times a day when the sun was shining and after the shower a beautiful rainbow would happen.  Maui is truly paradise and I will miss it, but keep it close to my heart.

If my tomorrows are few...at least I have had today

You know how you anticipate something and then when you get there....it is just not what you expected?  This has gone beyond anything that I could have ever dreamed.  It is truly a dream come too.
   Our dream started out in Indy on Friday morning...While we were sitting in the Indy airport waiting to board, I wanted to get a picture of us at the airport..I have a chalkboard that I wrote Aloha on.  A lady saw us and came over with a box of Hawaiian candy.  She lives there and is going home...I knew right then and there...it was going to be a very special vacation.
   We have two weeks of fractional ownership in resort/condos, all over the world.  This means, we own this and do not have to pay anything ever again, unless we use it, then you have to pay for the maid service and cleanup for the week.  We can leave this to Regan and Seth when we die...I am so glad we did this.  We are staying in a room that is more like an apartment.  We were so tired last night from the Hana trip, that we just wanted to get back and stay in.  We stopped at a grocery store and bought some steaks and grilled out by the pool...we will do this again.  Loved it.  
   We are like all of you out there...you take your mate and love for granted.  You fall into your routine of life.
We are at the age in life, that we are still young enough physically, but we are seeing people all around us, becoming sick or even dying.  It makes you really enjoy these moments.  I am trying to savor them and I am trying to capture these moments on film.  I hope you all have enjoyed seeing Hawaii with me.  For me, this is a dream come true...Everywhere I go, is so beautiful.
   I haven't had any mishaps yet...no falling into a hole or no unexpected pantie whispers either...After our ride to Hana yesterday and being in the car all day....we stopped at a grocery store to get some food.  We both laughed at ourselves...we were both walking kinda stooped over and really sore.  We have to do our traveling to these faraway places when we are still capable of doing it...everything you really want to do takes a great deal of physical exertion.  We walked down to the black beach yesterday.  Going down to it was no problem...coming back up was another story.  Rich literally, put his hand on my butt and just pushed me up.  I felt like the little engine that could....LOL

    If my tomorrows are few.....at least I have had today...these words just came to me on this trip.  It pretty much sums up how I have been feeling.  Yes, being in Hawaii makes it easy to say this, but whereever you are...if you can savor your everyday joys...it will make your life so much richer.  Tomorrow is not ever guaranteed, only this moment, only what you make of it.
 

 
My wish for my kids is that someday on their Anniversary, they can come here and recapture their love.

Pantie Whispers....

Everyone does it...movie stars, cover girls, hunky guys and old guys.  Your dog will do it and so will your baby.  If you are human and alive....you do it.  It has been called many things, from cutting the cheese to passing gas.  I like to think of mine as pantie whispers.  It just sounds better.  Doesn't make it any less funny. We all have let the silent ones escape and hope the after glow isn't noticed.  The older you get, the harder it is to trust the fart...once you get burned by a shart, its hard to forget.  Not that it has ever happened to me, but I am sure, one day it will.
   Everyone has had their embarrassing moments with the pantie whispers.  I know I have.  Seven years ago when we went on our Hawaiian Cruise, it happened to me.  It was one of the formal nights and after dinner and the theatre, we went out with another couple we just met.  There was a dessert bar and everyone was going to the buffet for the goodies.  We were all sitting around eating our desserts, but I saw something that somebody else had and I wanted it, so I got up to get it.  While I was walking to the buffet, I felt a sneeze coming on.  Not wanting to embarrass myself sneezing, I held it in.  BIG MISTAKE...it had to come out somewhere and it did. I stood there paralyzed, hoping it was quiet enough that no one heard.  I looked back at Rich and he was laughing so hard he was crying...the guy that we were with leans over and says to Rich, " did your wife just cut the cheese?"  I couldn't help but laugh too.  There was a young server boy standing right by me and he was cracking up too.  Needless to say, I was the "butt" of alot of jokes the rest of the cruise.
   The next time I got caught was just last year on Regan's birthday.  I took Regan and Karaline to Beef and Boards for her birthday.  It was an awsome night.  Karaline loved it.  The food was good and so was the show.  Two hours later, we were walking to the car.  I must have been holding it in for the past two hours, because on the way to the car, I tooted.  Karaline heard it and says..."Mimi....Regan and I burst out laughing and the more I laughed, the more I tooted...it was hysterical.  What are ya gonna do...just laugh with it and make a memory.
   Rich got caught one time when we were going into the mall.  He thought I was behind him and I was, I just wasn't the only person behind him.  It sounded like he emptied his bowel and it was impossible not to notice.  I started laughing and so did the woman.  I of course acted like I didn't know him....LOL!
   One time Rich had one that would probably go down in the record books.  Our dog Kahte always slept under our bed.  He let out a fart that had to last 30 seconds and it was loud and continuous.  It scared the dog and drove her out from under the bed barking.  We laughed so hard and we will never forget that one.

   Farts can be embarrassing, but its all part of being human.  I have known people that say they would never fart in front of their spouse...that sucks for them.  They are missing one of the best parts of marriage...total acceptance and being so comfortable with someone.  I am now having pantie whispers...they just sound better.  These pictures were taken on the infamous pantie whispers events...I'm not embarrassed, I'm just glad I have some memories that made me laugh so hard I cried...we need more of those in our lives...and knowing me...I will probably have a few more stories.

It is, what it is....

I went shopping today.  I'm still searching for that outfit that will make me look like I used to...its a real challenge now to find things that are appropriate for my age.  I used to have a style about myself...I always wore the same kind of things...but now those things don't look good on me anymore and I have had to find a new style...I refuse to wear those old lady things, but on the other hand, I don't want to look like an old Cougar on the prowl.  I would like to know why they put that harsh overhead lighting in the dressing rooms...for crying out loud, trying on clothes is hard enough, but when your wrinkles and grey hair roots are spotlighted, you just want to cry.  I also think those mirrors have a funny curve about them...I swear I don't look that fat in my own mirror at home.  If someone was smart, they would put soft lighting and elongated mirrors in the dressing room.  I guarantee, they would sell more clothes.  I went bathing suit shopping recently for our trip.  That was not fun, but I actually found one that I don't hate.  I plan on being in a bathing suit quite a bit, which scares the crap out of me.  I won't know anyone there and the theory is, if you tan your skin, it will look better, so I am gonna try to get a little bit of a tan. 
  I have been struggling with my hair the last couple years.  Now on top of the greying, it is getting thinner.  It has lost its shine too.  Unfortunately the oil is still there, but that is not the same as shine.  I miss my shiny dark brown hair.  I decided recently to do something to my hair, that I am regretting now.  My hair was so thin and flat and just didn't have any style, so I decided to get a perm.  Well, either its my hair or my hairdresser, but it is not quite what I had hoped for.  Where I am really grey, it went a little fuzzy on me.  I just can't win with my hair...so the next thing is just shaving my head, buying a wig and just letting it grow out naturally...I'm just kidding, I would never be that brave, but it is tempting.  I think I may try short hair for awhile, but I will wait til I get back from Hawaii.  With a little work, I can make it look ok.  Men have it so easy...Rich really does shave his head and he looks good.
  I have come to the conclusion that the older I get, the harder it gets to achieve sexy....lol, if that is even possible.  Its hard to be sexy when your night cap is mira-lax and you go through the tweezer/magnifying glass ritual every night.  But it is what it is...and you do the best with what ya got.  I'm reading 50 Shades of Grey while I am in Hawaii and Rich is reading Hunger Games.  That can go one of two ways...we are both so into the book that we can't put it down, or we get into it and Rich chases me through the rain forest and when he catches me I whip him like a bad boy.  I am sure a blog about that will follow....stay tuned.

Seriously...do I look like that?

A young friend of mine had a post today that hit home for me...he said," I'm ready to act 32 instead of 22, but now that I am 32, I look at other people that old and think...gosh they look old...do I look like that?"  I told him I knew exactly how he felt and unfortunately, it won't get any better.  Turning 60, I always thought, would never happen to me, because that was old and of course, I never thought I would get old.  I don't know what I thought...I guess I was in denial.  I still have people tell me that I don't look 60 and I certainly don't act or feel 60, but when I look in the mirror...I know the real truth.  I am slowly accepting it...like what else can you do but accept it.  I have a friend that has decided to tackle aging by exercising vigorously and saying his prayers.  I guess he's got it covered on both ends...living as long as he can and when he dies, going to heaven.  I guess I have some work ahead of me.
Many friends have turned 60 already and I look at them and think....its not so bad...they are as beautiful and sexy as ever.  So you do what you can to stay young...if that is exercise for you, then go walk to the moon, if getting more in touch with God eases the anxiety, then by all means, do that too.  What I have learned in these 60 short years I have been alive, is every person is different and deals with things the best way they know how.  I think for me...buying a new push-up bra and panties might do the trick.
   

Ode to Motherhood...

We are Mothers and we are Grandmothers, we are the ones that do what no one else will do...Without us...our  families would starve and live in filth...I think our families don't realize all that we do, because it just magically gets done and I think they assume some fairy comes in and does it.  Here are a few of the "magical things" that get done:  Changing and hanging the toilet paper, emptying waste baskets, changing the sheets on the bed, cleaning the toilets and that disgusting underneath of the toilet seat, picking up cat pukey hairballs, changing the litter boxes, picking up the doggy turds inside and out, gathering the dirty dishes left on the end tables, putting out fresh towels, cleaning the soap scum from showers and tubs, cleaning up the pukey from an all nighter with a sick kid, answering the call when a kid cries in the middle of the night, vacuuming the debri from the car, cleaning the water spots off the mirror in the bathroom, taking the moldy food out of the refrigerator, cleaning the microwave when "someone" explodes food in it, going to the grocery store and buying all their favorite foods and having a hot meal made at dinner, even though you just had the day from hell.  I'm sure there are many more magical things that we do, but these are a few that come to mind.  But now I have to lists all the perks I get from being a Mom and Mimi:  When the grands come and their faces light up when they see you, being told by a little girl that you will always be in her heart, when a certain little boy asks if you are happy and then kisses you, getting a kiss from a little boy that doesn't give out kisses that often, being told thank you Mimi without being prompted, seeing your children achieve greatness and knowing that you have made a difference in their lives.  It seems as if I have been a Mom my whole life...I scarcely remember my life before I was a wife, mother and mimi.  When I leave this world, I want to leave my footprints on my loved ones...I want them to remember me, I want to leave memories that they will always tell, but most of all...I have to show someone how to pick up cat pukey hairballs and clean the underneath of a toilet.