Pantie Whispers....

Everyone does it...movie stars, cover girls, hunky guys and old guys.  Your dog will do it and so will your baby.  If you are human and alive....you do it.  It has been called many things, from cutting the cheese to passing gas.  I like to think of mine as pantie whispers.  It just sounds better.  Doesn't make it any less funny. We all have let the silent ones escape and hope the after glow isn't noticed.  The older you get, the harder it is to trust the fart...once you get burned by a shart, its hard to forget.  Not that it has ever happened to me, but I am sure, one day it will.
   Everyone has had their embarrassing moments with the pantie whispers.  I know I have.  Seven years ago when we went on our Hawaiian Cruise, it happened to me.  It was one of the formal nights and after dinner and the theatre, we went out with another couple we just met.  There was a dessert bar and everyone was going to the buffet for the goodies.  We were all sitting around eating our desserts, but I saw something that somebody else had and I wanted it, so I got up to get it.  While I was walking to the buffet, I felt a sneeze coming on.  Not wanting to embarrass myself sneezing, I held it in.  BIG MISTAKE...it had to come out somewhere and it did. I stood there paralyzed, hoping it was quiet enough that no one heard.  I looked back at Rich and he was laughing so hard he was crying...the guy that we were with leans over and says to Rich, " did your wife just cut the cheese?"  I couldn't help but laugh too.  There was a young server boy standing right by me and he was cracking up too.  Needless to say, I was the "butt" of alot of jokes the rest of the cruise.
   The next time I got caught was just last year on Regan's birthday.  I took Regan and Karaline to Beef and Boards for her birthday.  It was an awsome night.  Karaline loved it.  The food was good and so was the show.  Two hours later, we were walking to the car.  I must have been holding it in for the past two hours, because on the way to the car, I tooted.  Karaline heard it and says..."Mimi....Regan and I burst out laughing and the more I laughed, the more I tooted...it was hysterical.  What are ya gonna do...just laugh with it and make a memory.
   Rich got caught one time when we were going into the mall.  He thought I was behind him and I was, I just wasn't the only person behind him.  It sounded like he emptied his bowel and it was impossible not to notice.  I started laughing and so did the woman.  I of course acted like I didn't know him....LOL!
   One time Rich had one that would probably go down in the record books.  Our dog Kahte always slept under our bed.  He let out a fart that had to last 30 seconds and it was loud and continuous.  It scared the dog and drove her out from under the bed barking.  We laughed so hard and we will never forget that one.

   Farts can be embarrassing, but its all part of being human.  I have known people that say they would never fart in front of their spouse...that sucks for them.  They are missing one of the best parts of marriage...total acceptance and being so comfortable with someone.  I am now having pantie whispers...they just sound better.  These pictures were taken on the infamous pantie whispers events...I'm not embarrassed, I'm just glad I have some memories that made me laugh so hard I cried...we need more of those in our lives...and knowing me...I will probably have a few more stories.

It is, what it is....

I went shopping today.  I'm still searching for that outfit that will make me look like I used to...its a real challenge now to find things that are appropriate for my age.  I used to have a style about myself...I always wore the same kind of things...but now those things don't look good on me anymore and I have had to find a new style...I refuse to wear those old lady things, but on the other hand, I don't want to look like an old Cougar on the prowl.  I would like to know why they put that harsh overhead lighting in the dressing rooms...for crying out loud, trying on clothes is hard enough, but when your wrinkles and grey hair roots are spotlighted, you just want to cry.  I also think those mirrors have a funny curve about them...I swear I don't look that fat in my own mirror at home.  If someone was smart, they would put soft lighting and elongated mirrors in the dressing room.  I guarantee, they would sell more clothes.  I went bathing suit shopping recently for our trip.  That was not fun, but I actually found one that I don't hate.  I plan on being in a bathing suit quite a bit, which scares the crap out of me.  I won't know anyone there and the theory is, if you tan your skin, it will look better, so I am gonna try to get a little bit of a tan. 
  I have been struggling with my hair the last couple years.  Now on top of the greying, it is getting thinner.  It has lost its shine too.  Unfortunately the oil is still there, but that is not the same as shine.  I miss my shiny dark brown hair.  I decided recently to do something to my hair, that I am regretting now.  My hair was so thin and flat and just didn't have any style, so I decided to get a perm.  Well, either its my hair or my hairdresser, but it is not quite what I had hoped for.  Where I am really grey, it went a little fuzzy on me.  I just can't win with my hair...so the next thing is just shaving my head, buying a wig and just letting it grow out naturally...I'm just kidding, I would never be that brave, but it is tempting.  I think I may try short hair for awhile, but I will wait til I get back from Hawaii.  With a little work, I can make it look ok.  Men have it so easy...Rich really does shave his head and he looks good.
  I have come to the conclusion that the older I get, the harder it gets to achieve sexy....lol, if that is even possible.  Its hard to be sexy when your night cap is mira-lax and you go through the tweezer/magnifying glass ritual every night.  But it is what it is...and you do the best with what ya got.  I'm reading 50 Shades of Grey while I am in Hawaii and Rich is reading Hunger Games.  That can go one of two ways...we are both so into the book that we can't put it down, or we get into it and Rich chases me through the rain forest and when he catches me I whip him like a bad boy.  I am sure a blog about that will follow....stay tuned.

Seriously...do I look like that?

A young friend of mine had a post today that hit home for me...he said," I'm ready to act 32 instead of 22, but now that I am 32, I look at other people that old and think...gosh they look old...do I look like that?"  I told him I knew exactly how he felt and unfortunately, it won't get any better.  Turning 60, I always thought, would never happen to me, because that was old and of course, I never thought I would get old.  I don't know what I thought...I guess I was in denial.  I still have people tell me that I don't look 60 and I certainly don't act or feel 60, but when I look in the mirror...I know the real truth.  I am slowly accepting it...like what else can you do but accept it.  I have a friend that has decided to tackle aging by exercising vigorously and saying his prayers.  I guess he's got it covered on both ends...living as long as he can and when he dies, going to heaven.  I guess I have some work ahead of me.
Many friends have turned 60 already and I look at them and think....its not so bad...they are as beautiful and sexy as ever.  So you do what you can to stay young...if that is exercise for you, then go walk to the moon, if getting more in touch with God eases the anxiety, then by all means, do that too.  What I have learned in these 60 short years I have been alive, is every person is different and deals with things the best way they know how.  I think for me...buying a new push-up bra and panties might do the trick.