It's not always easy....

I haven't blogged in awhile, but things have been really busy...life has a way of setting the pace.  You just have to hang on sometimes and pray for quieter times.  I read a blog that someone wrote about how it annoyed them when little old ladies would come up to her and say, "Enjoy these times, they go so fast".  Maybe they go fast because they aren't always that enjoyable.  I am one of those little old ladies and I can tell you right now, time does go fast, especially after 50.  I remember all to well my days as a young Mom and it wasn't all fun and Hallmark moments.  There was times when you just didn't think you could do it all.  I marvel at all the young Moms that work and go to school and have children.  I have two very spectacular daughters that do just that.  My daughter Regan's little boy Nickolas, has been very challenging.  Sleepless nights are the norm.  I am babysitting my grandchildren, so I know the challenges young children can be.  As much as I enjoy it, cleaning poop around testicles won't be missed and wiping snotty noses and constant drool won't be missed either.  What I will miss are those sweet little smiles and when they say, "I love you Mimi".  I love all the first things in their lives and the joy on my children's faces as they watch their children achieve.  I have learned through the years that you can't do it all and you can't judge yourself by what other people do.  It only makes you doubt yourself...and I swear, kids can sense fear and you have to be strong.  The most important thing is, when you come across those moments of utter joy, stop and breathe it in.  Record it in your mind and try to keep that memory in.  One day, you may find yourself forgetting all the sleepless nights, poopy diapers and runny noses and tell some young mom, " Enjoy these times, they go so fast."  Time is what it is...it is made up of moments...some very wonderful ones and some that you just try to get through hoping for easier times.  Don't get me wrong..I consider being a Mom and Mimi my greatest accomplishments, but I also know that all the moments have been like a quilt...each patch a different stage of life.  Some patches are prettier than otheres, but when they are all quilted together, they keep you warm and give you great comfort.

A Very Montague ThanksChristmas

ThanksChristmas 2011 was held at our house this year...I prepared for it for a month...I love to do this kind of thing.  I wanted to make it one everyone would remember.  After my turkey mishap...I was wondering if everything would be ok, but it worked out perfectly.  I had enough food to feed another 40 people.  I came from such a small family, so when I married Richard, I became a Montague and part of something bigger than all of us.
    Every family has their trials and tribulations and the Montague's aren't immune to it, but the commraderie of the siblings is what got them through it.  Rich brought out his Dad's purple heart and metals that we framed for him one year...I guess he wanted Dad to be here too. 
   Our Steal a Gift Exchange was a big success...some gifts were better than others...but the can of Fart Exstinguisher got a big laugh and besides....who couldn't use a can every once in awhile...Jelly got it and was a good sport.  But the funniest was Regan's hooker shoes...Donna got them first, but Justin stole them for Lisa...Lisa couldn't be here with us, so I would love to see her face when she opens the box.
   I had sit down for 40 people, so everyone had a place to eat the delicious food that we had.  I always think I have to make twice as much food, but you don't really when there is so much to choose from.  I will be eating turkey noodle soup for quite awhile.
   Santa made a visit and the children loved it.  Joe played Santa this year and came up the back porch.  All the kids gathered around him.  Karaline says, "hey I know you" and was quickly shooshed.  The best part was when Nickolas sat on Santa/Daddy's lap.  I probably have five pictures of him and not one is looking forward.  He could NOT take his eyes off him...he just stared at him, trying to figure it out.  Santa passed out their gift bags, so everyone was happy.  I have my house all put back together and I don't think I will have to cook for a week.  The  Montague ThanksChristmas was a HUGE sucess!  I hope evryone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 

A boxed life....

Rich and I were cleaning out a closet this past weekend.  It had boxes and boxes of old pictures and keepsakes.  None of which were sorted out very good, but everything was there.  As we looked through the old pictures of ourselves and our lives, we laughed a little and I teared up a little.  It was all there, captured in a photograph, all the moments of our lives...This is why I am so passionate about photography.  It is the only way to stop a moment in time, to preserve it for as long as someone wants to keep it around.  I found pictures of myself in a bikini, when I actually looked good in a bikini and Rich, when he had the body of a body builder.  It all came from hard work.  He never went to a health club or owned any weights.  All those muscle came from working so hard for his family.  I did work out and at one point, didn't look half bad.  As we looked at all our pictures and all our trips and all the pictures of the kids, I wondered, if when I was gone...would anyone really care.  I knew as I sorted through these pictures and boxed them up, the next time someone would be looking at these, would probably be after I was gone.  Our life, in a box....
Time has away of just marching on....and it will just keep marching on even after I am gone.  I used to think about that, I couldn't imagine life going on with out me in it, but I realize now, that I am only on this earth for a very short time and when I am gone, I am not even a blip in the overall scheme of things.  My loved ones will mourn me, at least I hope, but I want them to just go on and live their lives.  I just hope I leave enough behind that I won't be completely forgotten.  I want them to know what I thought about when I was young and want them to know that I was young once.  I wasn't always old.  Old is how you will be remembered unless you leave this earth too soon.  I blog for my grandchildren, I want them to always remember their Mimi.  I want them to remember the person I used to be, not just the person that I have become.  Growing old is almost like a deadly disease...it is slow in coming on, but it is relentless.  It robs you of your essence and leaves you trapped in a body that you scaresley recognize.  When I die, I want my life to be a celebration of who I was.  I know I have left enough funny stories behind that my eulogy will bring a few laughs.  I hope I have at least another 25 years here on this earth...I would love to hold my great grandchild someday.  So I will continue to box up my life.  I will try to leave little messages for my kids, so they will know about all the pictures and keepsakes and why I kept them.  Every person is different and my kids certainly are that.  I am very sentimental and nostalgic.  I find it very very hard to part with things.  Rich even found the key to our very first cabin on our very first cruise...it meant so much to us....I just could not get rid of it.  I know they will keep some of my things, but I know that can't keep everything.  To get rid of this stuff, would be like erasing my life.  I am not ready to do that yet.  I'm posting a few pictures, some are not real flattering, where others are.  I have always laughed at myself and I realize that every stage of my life brought me to where I am today.  I am just thankful that I still have hair after all those perms and highlights.  Rich unfortunately, didn't hold on to his hair, but he still looks sexy.  Looking back at our life...I barely remember my life before Rich, we were 17 yrs. old when we started dating.  He has been my life and I am so proud to box up my life with his.

I honestly do NOT know how I ever got Rich to wear white pants...We couldn't remember where we were even going.  We just laughed our butts off over this one.   Every one has their time...I have had mine, but my future still holds many more memories that I will continue to box up....

My painting marathon....

I always have these ideas...I always have.  Now that I am older, its harder to keep up with them.  I have been wanting to paint my guest room for quite awhile now, so when I saw this picture of a bedroom painted this beautiful green color, I couldn't get it out of my head.  I decided, that was the color I wanted.  I started looking for a new bed quilt and ended up finding the perfect thing on Amazon and everything just fell into place.  I went to Mennards to get my paint.  I brought in my accent pillow to match the green and found the perfect green...it's called "Green Giggle".  Loved the name and loved the color...I bought Dutch Boy paint because it was on sale.  I couldn't wait to get started.  I got all the taping done and decided I would get the trimming done so I could paint it on Saturday.  Well, that proved to be alot more involved than what I ever thought possible.  When I started painting it, it almost looked like I was painting with watered down paint, but I was optimistic that when it dried, it would look ok.  Wrong, clearly one coat was not going to do it.  I was doing all the trimming accept for the ceiling.  After the second coat, I thought surely that would be good...wrong...it still was streaky.  At this point, I thought it was just the brand of paint, so knowing one coat was not gonna do it and one gallon wasn't going to do it, I went back for more paint.  This time I bought the most expensive paint they had.  I started trimming up by the ceiling, which are 9 ft. ceilings.  I quickly realized it WAS NOT THE BRAND OF PAINT, it was the COLOR.  My "Green Giggle" will forever be known to me as "Sh#% Green" to me.  I bet I climbed up and down that ladder a million times.  It was clearly going to take 3 coats.  Trimming is always the most dreaded part of painting a room.  Doing it once is bad enough, but doing it three times is RIDICULOUS!!!!   I finally got it done and was ready to roll on the paint...which I got to do TWO times.  When it was done, I was completely exhausted, but so proud of what I accomplished.

   Now it was time to decorate...I knew I wanted to use all black and white pictures on the walls.  I had quite a few already, but still needed to print a few more.  I love the details of a room.  Little things that make a big difference.  I found a lampshade at Lowes that was absolutely perfect for the room.  I have discovered Pinterest and love the ideas I get from it.  I saw a picture treatment that I fell in love with.  I knew I had to do it.  I combined two ways to achieve it.  Instead of using scrapbook paper and wood or styrofoam and fabric, I combined it and used wood with fabric.  I had some old shelving boards that I wasn't using, so I took them to Lowes to have them cut into 11 inch squares.  Next, I went to Hobby Lobby to find the fabric.  I was lucky, they had little bundles of fabric squares in the black and white that I was looking for.  It was $9.99 for 5 squares.  I figured it was cheaper than buying it separately.  I decided a spray adhesive would be just the thing to adhere the fabric to the wood.  It worked beautifully.  I was going to staple it to the back of the square like you do when you cover a chair cusion, but found that the spray adhesive worked well on the back too.  It gave a more finished look.  I attached a hanger to the back when I was done and was ready to hang my creation.  I hung them over the bed, four in a row, for a really nice statement look.  It really became the vocal point of the room, since everything else was black and white pictures.  I decorated everything else in the room with things that I already had.  I just love how everything just came together.  We are hosting the Montague ThanksChristmas this year and expecting overnight guests.  I'm thinking I may have to have a lottery to see who gets to sleep in the "Sh#% Green" room.

Turn back the clock...

Wouldn't it be nice, if when we turned back the clock, we could go back to another time period?  I would love to go back to my 30's.  It was a good time in my life...my kids were still little, we were living in Plymouth and I had such a passion for life.  There was a very dark, sad period though, I lost both my parents when I was 34.  It made me stronger and all of a sudden, I was the one that had to have all the answers.  Rich and I took a huge risk and moved to Indianapolis.   We left everything that we knew and loved and took a chance at a better life.  I had all the faith in the world in Rich.  Hard work paid off and Rich achieved in his career.  We found a new life here and my kids thrived.  I am so thankful that we took a chance.  Indianapolis is home, but our heart will always be where we were born.
   I have learned alot in my 59 yrs. of life...I know I don't have all the answers...my kids look to me sometimes for them and sometimes, they would rather I keep it to myself.  The one thing that I always try to keep in mind is that there are always two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle lies the truth.  I have found that to always be the way it is.
   I am so thankful that I have found a new passion.  Even at my age, it is what keeps us young.  My friend Ron Moschel, has given me a story and a mystery.  He wants me to write Mary's story.  I feel a little intimidated, because I have never wrote a story like this before, but at the same time, I am excited to create her story.  We may never have all the answers, but it will be interesting to see where it leads us.  I have a vivid imagination, so it could be quite a story.
   So tonight, I will turn back my clock and think about all the times in my life.  There has been good times and bad times.  No ones life is a straight road.  Most people find themselves on a roller coaster.  You strap yourself in and raise your arms.  Even the lows are ok because you see that hill in front of you and when you get to the top, everything that got you there....is worth it.

Timing is everything....

A friend of mine, contacted me recently with something he found in an old french book.  It was so beautiful and so moving that I had to share it with all of you.  The feelings of this woman are so vivid and so haunting, it makes you wonder what became of her and her love.  The passage in the book is dated, September 30, 1924, by Mary Ruth Cole to Robert Kirby Whyte.

      I'am with you dear...wandering thru memory lane, living the years of laughter and tears over and over again.  I'am dreaming yet of the night we met and life was a lovely refrain.  You were so shy, saying goodbye in the dawn, with only a glance and full of romance...then you were gone.  Tho my hopes are in vain, still my love will remain...dreaming of you...wandering thru memory lane...Love,  Sweet Mary

I can see them standing in a doorway, tears in her eyes.  I am sure they made love that night, but she knows that her feelings for him are not the same feelings he feels for her.  Maybe he is protecting her because he is going to war or maybe there is another woman that he loves, but can't break away from Mary.  Whatever the story is, it begs to be told.  My friend has been researching the archives, searching for answers.  Robert went to Culver Military Academy.  He found this written about him...Robert was the most popular boy in school.  He was head cheerleader and was Pres. of the Hop Club.  As captain of the Fighting E, he was at his best and was an all around good fellow.  He is very good looking man, more dashing with dark eyes...the kind that make a woman yearn for more.  I can picture him in my mind and I know why Mary was smitten with him.  I am sure he was a lady's man and had the interest of many women on campus.  My friend found another passage written to Robert in the book..
.
      You didn't want me when I wanted you.  I'am somebody else's now.  I gave thee chances, but you thru them all away.  I might have known you'd be sorry some day.  I still love you and yet we must forget.  I can't be untrue to my love.  You didn't want me when I wanted you...I'am somebody else's now....Mary

Oh how I wish I could fill in the blanks...timing is everything in love...their time was not right.  I have to wonder if after she wrote this, the pangs of love were too much to overlook.  I wonder if they did eventually get together.  If they acted on their feelings, instead of what was right.  He obviously contacted her later and told her how much he loved her and that he was sorry he left that night at dawn.  She moved on and found another love, but her first love for him is still in her heart.  Why did she write these things in this french book?  She must have given it to him and then later got it back and wrote in it again.  This book holds the mystery that we may never know the answers too.  My friend is trying his hardest to find some information on Mary.  He is hoping to find her children.  He would like to give this book to them.  Mary was from Grand Haven, Michigan and went to a school for girls called Akeley Hall in 1922.  It is unclear to me how she met Robert.  Life is a mystery....and timing is everything....

Thank you Ron Moschel....

Karaline's story....

There are a few events in your life that get seared in your brain and every detail stands out.  Such is the journey of little Karaline into our lives.  I wanted to get it wrote down, so Karaline will be able to read it someday.

   Rich and I had been on a cruise and just got back.  Regan showed up at my house unexpectedly.  I remember she walked into the kitchen.  She said, "Mom, I'm pregnant.......but I lost the baby".  All in a matter of seconds, the happiest moment of my life, turned into the deepest sadness I had ever felt.  I couldn't comprehend it.  She said she wanted to wait until I got back from vacation, but she had severe cramping and bleeding last night and she lost the baby.  She had called the Dr. and the Dr. said it was early in the pregnancy and that there was nothing they could do.  She was still having cramping, so she needed to go get checked.  After lots of crying and hugging, I took her to the hospital.  When we got there, she told the nurse and Dr. what had happened.  They were going to do a DNC on her, but the Dr. said, just to be sure, let's do an ultrasound first.  Regan was taken away and I was left by myself.  I hadn't even called Rich yet and told him.  That was a phone call I didn't want to make.  I called him and told him like I was told, " Rich, Regan is pregnant, but she lost the baby".  Shock and silence is how I know he felt, for I was feeling it too.  Greatest joy and then the greatest sorrow all in a matter of seconds.  I told him she was fine, but I knew better...Regan wanted this baby so much.  While I sat alone in that room, I don't think I ever felt sadder or more alone.  All of a sudden, I hear this laughter.  It sounds like Regan laughing.  I think to myself, what the heck is she laughing about.  They wheel her into the room and she hands me a strip of ultrasound pictures...she says, "Mom, we're having a baby, I'm still pregnant".  I couldn't believe it...my emotions have been on a roller coaster.  I screamed and cried for joy, like I have never cried before.  To come from the darkest place I have ever been to the happiest, was beyond belief.  I then called Rich back and said, "You're gonna be a Grandpa, she didn't lose the baby after all".  The Dr. said she had a tear in her sac around the baby in her uterus.  We still weren't out of danger yet.  The next few weeks would be critical.  Either the tear would heal itself, or she would lose the baby.  I guess, I didn't really hear those words at first, because in my mind, that baby was gonna make it and be just fine.  The next month was a really scary time, but every week that went by, the better her chances were.  So, Karaline was born Oct 5, 2005.  Rich and I were there to witness her birth.  I took the still pictures and Rich took the movie film.  The movie film is so awesome for so many reasons, but for me, it was hearing Rich laugh, this nervous excited laugh the whole time.  She came out of her so fast that the Dr. almost didn't have time to catch her.  Our little diva was born.  She was perfect in every way.  That first grandchild, will always be special, not because they are loved anymore, but because you never knew you could love anything that much.  I have told people having grandchildren takes love to another level.  You love your own children so much and everything that they do makes you so proud and love them more.  Well, when they give you that grandchild, that is the ultimate thing that they can do.  It is better than anything else they have ever done and that love you have for your child is then past on to the grandchild a 100 times more.  Well, that is the story of Karaline's journey into our life.  Today marks 6 yrs. that we have had that little girl in our life.  I have watched Karaline full time since she was 8 weeks old.  We have always been inseparable.  She is alot like me in her likes.  Regan was never a girly girl like I was, so when Karaline fell in love with Barbie's, I finally got my girly girl.  Regan has learned to appreciate Barbie's and dolls now that she is Karaline's Mom.  She had no use for them when she was a little girl.  So Karaline, if you are reading this someday, I hope you know how much you are loved.  I am so looking forward to watching you grow up and become a beautiful young lady.