What I know for sure....

As I appoach my 60th year of life, I finally feel like I have learned some things and that I have resolved some of my issues....not all of them....because I have alot more life to live.  Life is always evolving...changing every day and learning new things by the screw ups that you do.  Failure comes only if you don't learn from your past mistakes.

   What I know for sure:  My life would not be worth living if I had not married a young boy named Richard Montague on Jul 1st, 1972.  We both were lost, but in each other, we found our other half and became one.

I also realize that I have been a control freak...and that I have to let go.  Its a Mom thing and also something that is fueled by my anxiety.  I am a fixer, but it is exhausting and I am trying to let go of that.

   I also have know for sure that my high heeled days are over.  We went out the other night to The Murder Mystery Cafe with friends.  I wanted to dress up, since I am in blue jeans and flip flops most of the time.  I wore my new black high heels.  There is nothing sexier than a woman that is owning her heels and walking with confidence and sex appeal.  Well, that was NOT me that night.  Rich parked the car as far away as he possibly could, so walking sexy was not on my mind.   Just trying to keep the darn things on my feet and trying to forget that the balls of my feet were cussing me out.  The next day my knees kinda hurt and I realized for sure....my high heeled days are over.  It makes me said to realize this...but I just have to learn to walk sexy in flats.

   I have also realized that friends are a very important part of my life...finding people that get you is hard...and strange as it seems...not everyone gets you. To find someone that truly laughs at the same things you do and can make you laugh when you feel like crying, is so rare....thank you Kat for coming into my life.  Old friends are to be cherished....this I know for sure.

   Knowing things is half the battle...implementing what you know, is the other half.  I wish I knew then what I know now.  I would not have laid in the sun as much.  When you get older your skin changes and old skin DOES NOT LOOK BETTER BROWN.  Maybe just a little bit of color, but the last thing you want to do is burn your skin.  I think if you did, it just might all melt away. 

   2012 is a big year for me.  I remember when I was little, thinking that 2000 would be so strange and here we are....12 years into it.  Turning 60 will NOT be easy for me....and I would have to say, of all birthdays, that one is the hardest.  Saying that you are married 40 years is quite the milestone too.  I remember when just being 40 seemed so old....now it all just seems so surreal.  I am getting to that age now, that people I know are dying...some older, but yes, some younger.  What I know for sure?  Growing old is a privledge that you are not guaranteed, so live each day as full as you can.  I know I don't have to worry about laughing...I just tune into Facebook and see what Kat has posted and I have my children and grandchildren to make me smile and be proud everyday.  Then at night, I lay beside my love and I know...my life is good and for right now...I am happy...this I know for sure.

Which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it?

Its been awhile since I have blogged...no real reason for it...just life gets busy.  I recently got to go on a little escape vacation.  While I was there, I did alot of thinking.  I was trying to get in touch with who I am now.  Since I scaresley recognize the person I see in the mirror..I decided that I must come to grips with my aging self.  Its hard to fool anybody anymore or myself...I will be 60 years old this summer.  That is a big milestone...so I am determined to be happy with who I am and just be thankful that I am 60 and healthy.  Rich asked me something when we were in AZ.  He said..."I wonder which goes first...the desire or the energy to do it".  We had a pretty good conversation about this...I think it is the desire...for the desire is the fuel to do it.  Everyday that we were out there...he walked around the subdivision.  I would have went with him, but they live in a very hilly area...and my desire to walk uphill told me to stay home and read my Hunger Games.  He still has the desire and the energy to back it up.  I never was very athletic...my passion has always been being artistic.  I love to create things, but most of all, I love photography.  I wish I would have done more professionally with my photography, but I enjoy just doing it for other people now.  I have realized that if you don't have something that defines you...you will not feel that good about yourself...you must find something that interests you...it can be reading, gardening, walking...really anything that makes you happy. 

   So today....I am happy...it feels good to not be worrying about anything.  I know something will come along that will send my anxiety soaring again, but for now...I am happy and I hope you can feel my smile.