Who will love my treasures...

Its been such a long time since I have blogged.   I decided I better write down my thoughts before I can't remember them.   We have been cleaning out closets lately and I realize now as I am in the fall of my life, that all the "stuff" that I have accumulated, only mean something to me.   I totally understand that....when my parents died, my sister and I divided up their things.   Most things, neither one of us wanted.   I have collected a few things, but thankfully, not that much.   I have never been a lover of jewelry or designer bags and shoes.   My main thing has always been my pictures.  I hope when I leave this earth, that I am remembered for my pictures.  I am that crazy picture lady when my kids were in school.  I tried to document everything that they did.   Back then it was all film, so it was so much harder than it is today.   I have so much video but it is all on those little cassettes, so they have to be coverted to a disc to view.   I will leave that to them to do someday. 
    I have realized that I just don't care about things.  I care about feelings and the memories those feelings make.   My best friend just recently died.   I had a hat made for her because I didn't know what else that she could use.  When she passed on, she wanted me to have it....Now I have it to be passed on when I die.   I'm glad I spent time with her, that was probably the best gift....those memories, she got to take with her.   So when you think about getting your parents something for Christmas, think about giving yourself to them.   Make time to spend with them and make that time stress free and fun.   Those are the memories they will appreciate the most because those they will take with them and you will keep them with you too.
   I know alot of people at my age are dealing with the loss of their parents....I lost mine when I was 34 yrs old.   I hardly remember what it was like to have parents....I do, but its been so long.   Going thru their treasures and selling or just taking to Goodwill is what so many people have to do.   We would like to sell our home and move to something a little smaller and easier to care for.   If we do sell and move, we will be going thru the treasures.   I hope my kids want to keep some of them to pass down to the Grands.   I am hoping my footprints are deep and the memories stay for them....my pictures are my heart.

Living in Moderation....

Moderation....isn't that they key to happiness?  We can eat food that is bad for us....if we do it in moderation.   We can splurge on new clothes....if they are on sale and in moderation.  We can speed when the conditions are right....and in moderation.   Drinking a glass or two of wine....all fine if we do it in moderation.   Yep...moderation works.   I have found when you hit 60....you are forced into moderation whether you want to or not.   I have accepted that I am not like I used to be, but these moderations....OMG....I can't believe I'm doing them.   I recently had to add a chair to my bathroom.   I was putting on my pants the other day....like most people....balancing on one leg at a time to put them on.   I lost my balance and twisted my foot.   Any little thing that you hurt now is a big thing....let me tell you....it hobbled me.   I have been icing it for days.   The only upside is that it hurts so bad that I don't feel my bunions or my Morton's Neuroma on my other foot.   So from now on....I sit down to put my pants on.  Life certainly is more enjoyable if we would all slow down.  There is very little about growing older that is enjoyable, but the fact that I am not so driven and that I just want to enjoy things more, has helped me to accept this thing called being a Senior Citizen.
    I have a very dear friend that is facing a tough battle with cancer.   She has made me realize that growing old is a privilege.   We are all just rolling the dice everyday.   Cancer can strike without warning....you can be doing all the right things, but it doesn't care and it does not know what moderation is.....it attacks.   We all must listen to our bodies, that is the only weapon we have.  We need to never lose our faith and we must face it .....I have learned so much from these friends.   I am not very strong, but I know now that you find an inner strength you never knew you had.   I love these ladies so much and to say I admire them is just not enough.   We all must live in moderation, but when you can.....run like the gate has been left open.
   

Living with half a heart...

So much has happened to me since last I blogged....I think if I talked about everything, I'd have a novel.  I never thought I would ever have to be without my kids....just always thought they would be here and that I would be there for them too.   But things change...that roller coaster of life is picking up steam.   My daughter Regan and her family moved to California in June.  When they left to get on that plane, I felt like my heart was breaking.   I have to be honest...I did not take this very well....I was happy for their opportunity, but so sad for what we would all lose.   The commraderie of family.   I felt myself slipping into a depression when I first found out....I just could not stop crying....but time helps everything get better.   I flew out to see them last month.  I had never flown by myself before, so this was pretty scary for me, but I did it.   It helped that Rich put me on a non stop flight....not sure if going out there helped my anxiety but it was good to see their new home and their surroundings.   It is definitely NOT Indiana.  I believe this with all my heart....no PLACE can make you happy....and home is where your heart is.   If your family is there with you, then you will bloom where ever you are planted.   Regan is like her Dad....she will make it.

   My blog has usually been about the pitfalls of growing older...I like to look at life with a sense of humor, because if I don't, I might cry, but mainly because my bunions are killing me.   Sagging skin, age spots and learning to shop differently.   Now I don't look for the most stylish thing, I look for things that cover but still look stylish...I am going to a wedding in October and needed a dress.   Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a dress with sleeves, that hides a belly and is not too short, but still looks stylish and maybe is a little bit sexy?   Well I found one....and it was on the clearance rack.....probably because not too many older ladies are looking for a dress right now.   Boo yah....I felt like hit the jack pot....it's the little victories that keep you  going....I even found a pair of heels that fit.  Let's just say I will wear them to the wedding, but will have other shoes to put on.   

Reflecting...

Its been 6 months since I last blogged....so I thought I would write some thoughts down.   So much has happened the last six months.   We lost our beloved sister Karen in January....such a big huge loss.   We knew she had a fatal disease, but I think we all thought that Karen would beat this....she was so optimistic about it, but when the time came, it took her so quickly.  Being with someone as they take their last breath is an experience you will never forget....I have been with three people that I love now as they passed and in the end....all that matters is the love.
   Recently, I became terribly ill with a rather mysterious illness....it really bothers me that something like this could happen to me and I live in fear now that it could happen again.   They think I contracted this bacteria from shaving my legs....so sorry Rich....there will be no landscaping anymore.....I bought an electric shaver, so that will have to be good enough.  My bikini days are over.  Being this sick makes you realize that you are vulnerable.   I think alot of us think we are invincible...I know when you are young....you think you will never get old....I was so guilty of this.   But there comes that certain age, when things just change....for me...it just seemed like it happened so quickly.   One minute I was this energetic, young woman and the next....I was fighting the menopause pounds that come.   Your desire, your energy and your skin changes....but you fight through that and keep your young thoughts about you.   I have alot more life to live.....
   Today, we leave for Paris and a trip of a lifetime.   This is Rich's dream....its not necessarily mine....but I am excited to see all these places.   We knew now was the time to do this....it will be a very exhausting trip....sightseeing is work, but it is so exciting.   We are going with our friends Ken and Peggy Norus....so there is safety in numbers and we always have so much fun with them.  So I have all my comfortable walking shoes, no high heels this trip.
   I have never been away from my family this long before, so it will be a challenge for all of us.   I love them so much and I know they depend alot on Rich and I.   This will be good for them....and for us.   Rich needs this break from work....it is so demanding.   I have always been a caregiver, so it will seems strange to have somebody taking care of me.....but I think I will get used to it.

I hope I purr....

We just said our good-bye to our beautiful big Max....It was such a hard thing to do.  Max was there with us purring and wanting to be petted.   I wish he looked more sickly and appeared to be suffering more....it would have been so much easier.   We spoke with Dr  Carter extensively and asked every question we could think of.   We asked what it would be like in the end for Max if we just let it go.   He said it would be a very painful slow death.   Max was already sending out the signs that it was nearing the end.   He retreated to the bathtub where he found comfort and solitude and started doing some very bizaare things that just was not like him....like eating cat litter.   He had pretty much stopped eating and drinking and all he did was just lay in the bathtub...he didn't even want me to hold him for very long.   Not much of a life and watching him go through this was not easy on me either.   Rich and I decided together that ending his life before the decline begins and the end happens would be the kindest thing for him.   Dr. Carter gave Max the shot....and I wrapped my arms around him and just hugged him closely....he just laid there in my arms and purred....I told him the story about how I heard about Ragdolls in Oprah's Favorite things.   Then I researched it and wanted a Ragdoll even more.   Then the next Sunday in the paper, I just happened to see an ad in the paper for Ragdoll kitties for sale.  I called her and she still had the kitties.  She was a vet and had been a breeder of Ragdolls for 17 yrs.   I went all by myself to get Max....it was north of Lafayette.  I remember going into her office and seeing the four little kitties, but Max was the biggest one and clearly....he was the one for me.  I was so proud and so excited about my little Ragdoll kitten.   Max was my grandbaby so to speak....we all loved him so much....later that year, I was blessed with Karaline.   Oh how Max loved the babies....he would lay with Regan while she nursed Karaline.   Max would lay with Karaline and watch over her, just like a dog.   He was the most loving and wonderful cat and we will miss him so much.  As I laid with him and my tears made his face wet, I know that he knew he was loved and I knew I made him comfortable in my arms.  I hope that is the way I get to go someday....purring and being in the arms of the person I love the most.

Trying not to be too gross....

I remember when I was younger and I saw older people, I used to think....ewww....but now that I am getting older...I view it totally different.  My aim is to do it gracefully and to not be that gross.  We were with our best friends last night...just sitting out on their porch talking and having a good time.   All of a sudden we all heard something...could have been thunder, but our friend looked at her husband and just shook her head...."seriously...did you have to do that?"  We all just laughed...what's wrong with breaking wind with friends....LOL   I remember going to Beef and Boards with Regan and Karaline...we had a great time, but its  about two hours and as we were walking to the car....I tooted...Karaline goes.."Mimi..." and Regan starts laughing and then I start laughing and the toots came all the more. We eventually made it to the car and I am pretty sure there were some people that probably heard me, but there was just nothing that I could do...but I am pretty sure we made a memory that day.
   I find myself making noises when I do almost anything...not real sure why that happens.  When you are sitting on the floor and then you try to get up....it is almost impossible to not make a grunting noise.  I am trying to stop that, but for some reason it is just an automatic.  I am trying to moisturize more....I think moisturized old skin looks better and my finger nails have decided to split and get ridges, so just cutting them as short as I can just frees up worrying about them anymore and they look better.  I have found some shoes that make my feet feel better, so I am not in pain anymore with my bunion....so thank goodness for that.  My nightly ritual of plucking is always a highlight of my day....NOT.  One of my biggest fears is that someday I will be too old and I can't do it anymore.  I need to start training Karaline now...oh yes, how she will love this.  I love my little blue pill and no, its not Viagara...it is Neoproxene...one of those really helps the aches and pains.
   All in all, I think I am keeping the grossness at a minimal for now....but it is something I am definitely aware of.  I am determined to not be gross....but to be beautifully ageless....yeah right....just when you least expect it...something will snap you back to reality....it is just a fact of life...besides...if you can't laugh at yourself you might cry...so I choose laughing and loving.